Page 317 of 318 FirstFirst ... 217267307308309310311312313314315316317318 LastLast
Results 4,741 to 4,755 of 4757

Thread: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

  1. #4741

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated


    Yes Minister (with Daniel Andrews)


    Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews has insisted that Nobody made the decision to hire private security guards used in the state’s quarantine hotels.

    In his appearance on Friday afternoon at the inquiry into the Government’s bungled quarantine system, Mr Andrews insisted that Everybody knew Nobody was responsible.


    “It was definitely Nobody’s fault. Everybody knew that” he said. “Ask Anybody.”

    His testimony appeared to contradict evidence from Everybody to the inquiry that Somebody in the Premier’s office made the decision that led to Melbourne’s deadly coronavirus second wave.

    Mr Andrews showed the inquiry a text message from Somebody in his office asking Everybody if Anybody knew how the quarantine would be enforced.

    “Nobody replied to the text because Nobody knew,” he said. “This proves that Nobody was to blame.”

    Counsel assisting the inquiry Rachel Ellyard told Mr Andrews: “It’s hard to believe that Nobody could have known what was going on. Somebody must have made the decision to use security guards rather than police or army personnel.”

    Mr Andrews replied: “I realise Everybody wants to point the finger at Somebody in my office but it was Anybody’s guess how these operational decisions were made. And the fact is that Nobody knew.”

    Ms Ellyard pressed the matter, insisting: “Anybody would assume Somebody from your staff must have signed off on the decision.”

    A clearly agitated Mr Andrews told her: “Anybody can make allegations against Somebody but Nobody wins when that happens.

    “I think it’s fair to say that Everybody assumed Somebody made the decision to employ private security contractors. I don’t think that’s Anybody’s fault. Nobody can be blamed for that.”

    Ms Ellyard put it to the Premier that hotel quarantine was entirely too important to be left to private contractors.

    “Given what’s at stake, given the seriousness of the virus, Ms Ellyard, I think Everybody could agree that’s a fair statement, yes,” Mr Andrews said. “Anybody could see that”

    Ms Ellyard then asked the Premier if he could explain how it all went so wrong.

    “I know Everybody believes Somebody should be held accountable,” he said. “The simple fact is that Everybody thought Somebody would take responsibility and Anybody could have, but Nobody did.”

    Ms Ellard asked: “Are you saying Nobody is responsible for this whole fiasco?”

    “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Mr Andrews said.


    “I’m not Nobody, I’m the Premier. And like Everybody, I find these mistakes unacceptable. I’m Somebody who is as sorry as Anybody about this.

    “I want to say to you, Madame Chair, I await your final report so we can better understand what I have just said and so I, as leader of the government, can take appropriate action against Nobody.”

  2. #4742

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Dear Employees:
    As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Joe Biden is our President-Elect and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the state of the economy, we had to lay off sixty of our employees instead.


    This had really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found sixty 'Biden Harris' bumper stickers, [out of a total 321 vehicles] on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem.


    They voted for change...I gave it to them.I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.


  3. #4743

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

    God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.

    One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

    God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

    After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought”.

    (Borrowed from elsewhere)

  4. #4744

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Attachment 122772

    I took the covid vaccine and I feel fine.

  5. #4745

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated



    Year 2020.. The year that was.

  6. #4746

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    This is what's needed for fishing.

    A bus service route to nominated fishing locations with timetable etc. Can picture it already operating on Sydney Harbour, Gippsland Lakes or Port Philip Bay. Maybe troll out of a window on the way to the next stop.

    Or maybe one of the more popular impoundments in Aus.


  7. #4747
    Ausfish Addict disorderly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    In the Jungle/Mission Beach Hinterland

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by Ronje1 View Post
    This is what's needed for fishing.

    A bus service route to nominated fishing locations with timetable etc. Can picture it already operating on Sydney Harbour, Gippsland Lakes or Port Philip Bay. Maybe troll out of a window on the way to the next stop.

    Or maybe one of the more popular impoundments in Aus.

    They have the original army ducks up here Ron..just take a 2 piece rod and troll up a Barra on the tour...

    https://www.rainforest.com.au/experiences/army-ducks/

  8. #4748

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Thanks, Disorderly.

    Dukw are fascinating bits of machinery. At 1770, a tourist service operates along the beaches (across creek mouths) up to Bustard Head,

    Govt wouldn't allow them to operate unless they had 2 with the 2nd one as the only type of recovery vehicle capable of going to those places.

    I was thinking of the maritime bus route in Moreton Bay (or similar).

  9. #4749

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by Ronje1 View Post
    Thanks, Disorderly.

    Dukw are fascinating bits of machinery. At 1770, a tourist service operates along the beaches (across creek mouths) up to Bustard Head,

    Govt wouldn't allow them to operate unless they had 2 with the 2nd one as the only type of recovery vehicle capable of going to those places.

    I was thinking of the maritime bus route in Moreton Bay (or similar).
    Seems odd that the LARC's can drive up the beach at Eurimbula National Park as long as they have a 2nd vehicle, yet I cannot, even with 2nd vehicle.. I smell a double standard.

    LP
    Kingfisher Painting Solutions:- Domestic and Commercial.

    For further information, contact details, quotes or advice - Click Here





  10. #4750

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    G'day Phil

    1770 LARC! Tours | Town of 1770 & Agnes Water Tours

    Never been on one of their trips. They go up to Bustard Head lighthouse.

    Maybe its simply a condition of any access permit from Gov that they have to provide their own rescue and/or recovery service. There'd be obstacles preventing that from happening if they only had 4WDs. With Larcs there'd be no obstacle.

    Maybe if you had a Larc u'd be OK Phil?

    They had 1 Larc but needed another before they could start. They found a 2nd one for sale in a 2nd hand caryard in Rocky.

  11. #4751
    Ausfish Addict disorderly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    In the Jungle/Mission Beach Hinterland

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky_Phill View Post
    Seems odd that the LARC's can drive up the beach at Eurimbula National Park as long as they have a 2nd vehicle, yet I cannot, even with 2nd vehicle.. I smell a double standard.

    LP
    Growing up in NSW we used to laugh about such "double standards" back in Johs days....its not surprising it still exists nowadays..

    Even our local council was sacked back on 2007...nepotism and financial mismanagement was all to common..

    I saw firsthand the meaning of "its not what you know but who you know"

    but on the other hand its the only way a lot of projects got started....Port hinchinbrook, Hamilton island and many others would never get through these days...


    Hey Ron , watching that video you posted , that bus looks like a floating brick...

    I'd have concerns about its seaworthiness in anything approaching a bit of afternoon chop..

    Even the Ducks have had issues of a couple of mass fatalities in the USA when confronted with squalls on the lakes...

    I'll have to give our local ones a go one day...apparently they have 12 of them...

  12. #4752

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I had a bit to do with a fascinating story about Bustard Heads and Middle Island history.

    I'll put it on a proper thread for anybody who wants to hear about the Bowton sisters.

  13. #4753

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    You can’t resist British humour!!


    Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day.

    He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

    "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

    "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

    This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

    She'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"

    He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

    One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband.

    As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

    He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.

    As they neared the hookers corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

    Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass

    Then, the hooker yelled: "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard!"

  14. #4754

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Suez Canal.jpg

    Suez Canal traffic jam

  15. #4755

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Join us