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Thread: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

  1. #1
    MulletMan
    Guest

    50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    1. Drive into the launching area as fast as possible
    2. Park across the entrance to the ramp
    3. Have a good old chat to yer mates
    4. Back straight down the ramp – to hell with waiting
    5. Stop when the skeg digs chunks out of the cement
    6. Get out and raise motor
    7. Have numerous attempts at getting the trailer and car straight
    8. “Bug*er it” – just use the middle of the two lane ramp
    9. Reverse trailer wheels to the waters edge
    10. Try to get the boat strap off
    11. Drive up the ramp to remedy 10) above
    12. Reverse trailer wheels to the waters edge
    13. Wait for the call “are the bungs in?”
    14. Drive back up the ramp again
    15. Find bungs amongst all the leaves, dirt and crap in transom well
    16. Fit bungs and reverse down ramp again
    17. Wait till yer mates bring all the fishing gear from the car
    18. Sort everything out inside the boat – take your time!
    19. Get out of boat to release the winch
    20. Get back into boat to raise the radio antenna
    21. Look for winch handle
    22. Get mate to get it out of the boot of the car
    23. Release winch and let out cable
    24. Wind cable back in again and release safety chain
    25. Look for spanner to undo the seized pin in safety chain shackle
    26. Find a rope to hold the boat as it hits the water
    27. Shout “f*ck you” to everybody else who is waiting their turn
    28. Try to push the boat off trailer
    29. Get into car and reverse trailer further into the water
    30. Drive back up the ramp to remove trailer light board
    31. Repeat 28) above – use force to overcome the seized rollers
    32. Don’t worry about other boats behind you – get yours in no matter what
    33. Stand in water with boat while mate drives car away to parking spot
    34. Wait …. wait and wait til he finally gets back
    35. Keep blocking the ramp as he gets on board
    36. Ask mate to go back to car and get boat key
    37. Lower motor
    38. Raise motor to release trailer hooks
    39. Lower motor till it hits the bottom
    40. Raise it until you can see the prop
    41. Over-prime motor and attempt start
    42. “You f**king @%$#*Q#& mongrel – start you b***tard
    43. Connect fuel line to motor
    44. Prime some more
    45. Ignore clouds of smoke as motor erupts into staggering idle
    46. Rev the motor up as much as possible
    47. Slip into gear and reverse out
    48. Frantically lower motor as propeller thrashes about out of the water
    49. Stuff everybody else – you have right off way all the time
    50. Give the finger to all the other Boaties as you leave

  2. #2

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    geez if thats the way you launch a boat , it's a wonder youv'e lived as long as you have

    actually #33 is incorrect - leave vehicle parked on the ramp so it makes it easier to retreive the boat



    jason
    ... i only work to support my fishing addiction.....

  3. #3
    wayne_cook
    Guest

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    exactly rite

  4. #4
    timbacutta
    Guest

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    You forgot to get the esky out of the car.

  5. #5

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    PP

    I'm hearing loud and clear on that last transmission.

    now, I assume you are working on the supplementary document "101 tips to RETRIEVE a boat".

    standing by.....

    Jono_SS


  6. #6

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    PP, that was you watching us at Raby Bay last Sunday hey? #

    (some of your finest work yet!)

  7. #7

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    Just one word PRICELESS

  8. #8

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    Especially if they are freshwater lice. Doing 20 knots past the ramp washing boats up onto trailers - thanks fellas no need to winch.

    Take your fish to the cleaning table and their crew have a table cloth and sh*t all over it. Care factor 0% - Thanks again guys i will clean it at the waters edge.

    A world of love

    IBBO




  9. #9

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    , We may all be having a laugh but how many times do we see it. That is one of the main reasons I only fish mid week.
    Cheers Ian

  10. #10

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    Thanks for the laugh, that's great. You've covered it all as far as I can determine. Like the other reader, look forward to the retrieval tips.

  11. #11

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    Oh how i wish it all wasn't so true!!!!!

    Mantis

  12. #12

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    You forgot to mention when you go to retrieve the boat some smartass has written in artline texta all over your windscreen and rear windows of the car what a F----ing idiot you are.

    I am always polite as everyone see where you park the car and then leave on a boat, got plenty of time for payback.

  13. #13

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    TPP;
    That's the most concentrated and funny boat launch humour I have read. Ever. Thank you for sharing your sense of humour.
    ILMAO plus lots of rib cramps and tears of laughter...flatstrap

  14. #14

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    You could easily make that "101 Tips....."

    Just insert #. Crack open another tinny.

    in between each of the other 50

    Thanks PP, that's classy

  15. #15

    Re: 50 Tips On Correctly Launching A Boat

    This is the beauty of being a kayak owner.
    1) Release roof rack strap
    2) Remove kayak from roof rack
    3) Place kayak on trolley
    4) Easily wheel to water, away from people clearly getting impatient at the boat ramp
    5) Place milk crate on rear & insert rods into holders
    6) Don PFD's
    7) Adjust sunglasses whilst collapasing trolley and storing in fore hatch of kayak
    8) Paddle away from some people wanting a staring role in the next Anger Management movie...
    Tight lines, Look Cool - Act Cool - Be Cool

    Ocean Kayak Prowler Elite 4.5 meter

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