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  1. #46

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    A good one I heard and now use sometimes ya see a rather nice lookin lady from behind you pass by and she's and oldy 1770 we say 17 from behind 70 from the front. Another at work is CARE cover arse remain employed.

  2. #47

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    after a bout with the flu, my old freind said-

    if i could sh!t a solid turd, i'd hug it
    standing on a bridge
    watching water rushing under-
    neath it must have been much harder
    when there was no bridge just water

  3. #48

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    mate describing his ex-girlfriend - she was a bag of spiders

  4. #49

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    Had the radio on in the boat one day and some bloke comes on and says "johno hey jhono, u got ya radio on? click once for yes, or click twice for no"

  5. #50

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    A mate commenting on the unfortunate looks of a servo attendant " geez she was an ugly woman. Looks like someone set her on fire and tried to put her out with a fork".

    Or a " Bloke being a few wipes short of a clean arse".

  6. #51

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    She was that ugly she would scare a police horse.
    There is a strong headwind behind us.
    Spread out in a bunch.
    I was throwing my boomerang today & it went way, way, way all da way round & come back & hit me in the back of the forehead.

  7. #52

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    I couldn't give an air-borne act of intercourse!

  8. #53

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    Out at a restaurant with a seriously pissed mate, who took a shining to the cute waitress. Asked her what she did for work ??????????? She said she was studying Pharmacology at Uni. Mate replied "So you're studying to be a farmer" Nearly fell off my chair laughing, & no, he didn't score.

  9. #54

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    When i go fishing with my neighbour he never catches anything, i tell him "You couldn't catch aids in Africa"

  10. #55

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    Wifey just retired, a little early I reckon. I asked her how she'll go with less money. She replied that she'll be able to save money as she'll have more time to shop!

    Yeah right...

  11. #56

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    an old cabbie said on tv once these couple of lines that keep me smiling
    she was that ugly she would turn a steam train down a dirt track .
    and he was as blind(drunk) as a welders dog .

  12. #57

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    A mate kept forgetting where he left his thongs...told me " I reckon I am gunna put some bells on them so I can find them easier when I forget where they are"

    Cheers Steve
    I dont have ADHD......ohh look a squirrell !!!

  13. #58

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    About as ugly as a ducks ar$e having convulsions.
    I wish he would spin around in ever diminishing circles
    and disappear up his own ar$e.
    cheers Ron.
    "December 3rd is the 158th anniversary of the "Eureka Stockade".

  14. #59

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    On seeing a bloke doing something really really stupid, my dad says, "Look, a bloke with 2 dicks!" After us kids saying thats impossible, dad said, "Blokes dont get that dumb playin with 1 dick!!"

  15. #60

    Re: Best lines you've heard.

    i stand 6'4", and one day my buddy, who stands 5'6" with his boots on, was busting my balls about something or other.
    i started looking furtively around as he was speaking.
    "what are you looking for?" he asked.

    "that box", i replied.

    "what box?" he asked.

    "the box you stand on to kiss my ass" i replied.

    that shut him up!
    standing on a bridge
    watching water rushing under-
    neath it must have been much harder
    when there was no bridge just water

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