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Thread: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

  1. #4726

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated


  2. #4727

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by RayLamp View Post
    That’s a pisser


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  3. #4728

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A priest, rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The barmaid asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?"

    The rabbit says " I dunno, I'm only here because of autocorrect!"

  4. #4729

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Attachment 122019

    Chairman Dan of the People's Republic of Victoria.

  5. #4730

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    This object was pulled up from the deep the other day, anyone know its owner?Attachment 122028

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  6. #4731

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    yeahs thats mobys d***

  7. #4732

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by catshark View Post
    yeahs thats mobys d***
    U got the wife on the boat and u pull up that LOL she would be speachless haha

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  8. #4733
    Ausfish Gold Member 552Evo's Avatar
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    Jul 2016
    Location
    Melbourne

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated




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  9. #4734

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by 552Evo View Post



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    Ahh i get it haha "the wife says go fix the leaking tap" (the boat)

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  10. #4735

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    This is one I stole from the Gladstone Fishing Network f/b page.


    Attachment 122195

  11. #4736

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton.

    One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

    His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.



    Titanic: Cost – $29.99
    Clinton : Cost – $29.99

    Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
    Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

    Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
    Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

    Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
    Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.

    Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
    Clinton : Ditto for Bill


    Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
    Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

    Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
    Clinton : Let’s not go there.

    Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
    Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

    Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
    Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything.

    Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of Seamen.
    Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.

    Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
    Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thing

  12. #4737

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Gotta say monica was quiet an upgrade to hillery, she must have had billy boys heart pumping thats for sure

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  13. #4738

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Gotta say that this one is a true story.

    Not my punchline but I was happy to use it.

    Was on a bus in Los Angeles in the tourist zone sitting behind two men who turned out to be an Englishman and a New Zealander.

    Kiwi (South Pacific Pom) asked Englishman if he knew who won the All Blacks vs Aussie rugby union test.

    Englishman (real Pom) replied " New Zealand of course".

    Real Pom to Kiwi (South Pacific Pom) " where are u from"?

    Kiwi " New Zealand".

    Pom "Of course. For a moment there I thought you were one of those horrible " OORSTRALIANS".

    Kiwi " I don't like them either".

    I was a bit 'pissed off" by this stage probably mainly 'cos we lost the RU Test but with these 2 guys also by the comments.

    I sat there trying to work out what to say (if anything).

    Bus pulled up for our stop before the 2 guys stop.

    As I stood up to exit the bus, I leaned over and the conversation went along these lines:

    Me. "I'm one of those "horrible Ooorstalians" and I accept that its my fault for not assuring that I would not be seated near a Pom and a South Pacific Pom".

    Embarrassed looks from both and a muttered "sorry" from both.

    Me " Don't apologise. Both of you are entitled to an opinion. As I am".

    Me (to the Pom) " I suppose that you've heard the oft-quoted statement that the sun NEVER sets on the British Empire? Do you know why?"

    Pom " Yes. Its because the British Empire extends all the way around the world and that somewhere the sun is always shining on a part of the british empire".

    Me " Nope. Nothing to do with that. The real reason is that not even God would trust a Pommie in the dark".

    Me to the kiwi " You should emigrate to England. You'd fit in well there".

    Then I got off before these guys had worked out if they were angry or not.

    Wish I had thought of that comeback but it it belonged to somebody else.

  14. #4739

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Batman the sly devil Attachment 122318

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  15. #4740

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Haha victorians Attachment 122319

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