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Thread: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

  1. #4666

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
    Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here".

  2. #4667

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I work in a library and this guy came up to me and asked, “Do you have a bookmark?”
    “Of course,” I replied, indicating the packed shelves, “We have thousands. By the way, my name’s Dave.”

  3. #4668

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
    It's shift work.

  4. #4669

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    When my Dad broke his wrist, he asked the doctor if he will be able to play the piano. When the doctor said he can he replied "Great, I couldn't play it before".

  5. #4670

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

  6. #4671

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I got my friend an elephant for his room.


    He said thanks.


    I said don't mention it.

  7. #4672

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree".

  8. #4673

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Last year I joined a group for anti-social people.
    We haven't met yet.

  9. #4674

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music", but when I do it, I'm "drunk" and get "kicked out of Bunnings"

  10. #4675

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.
    He's fully recovered now though.

  11. #4676

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I just got back from the zoo. I saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

  12. #4677

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.

  13. #4678

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    My local newspaper is running a competition where you can win a holiday for you and a friend in Dubai. I was going to enter but I don't have any friends in Dubai!

  14. #4679

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    In the park today, I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  15. #4680

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    No matter what I do for the kids my wife is always finding fault with me. I bought my 2 year old daughter her very first jigsaw yesterday and as usual the wife went mental. Yelling and screaming something about her being to young for powertools.

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