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  1. #4651

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Have just twigged where I pinched it from.
    Now trying to avoid Sparky.
    (I blame old age.)

  2. #4652

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    This sort of thing started many years ago.

  3. #4653

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
    She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
    Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
    The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
    The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
    Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

    "Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
    “And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."


  4. #4654

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
    I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
    He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
    Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,
    "That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"
    "Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."


  5. #4655

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    just found this old blast from the past which made me larf.


    "I found a local prostitute who charges by the inch.
    Obviously, I can't afford her; but I thought it would be a cheap night out
    for
    you."

  6. #4656

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    While on attachment to Clark AFB in the Philippines in the early sixties, some of our sabre pilots were told about one of the USAFsquadron’s Electronic Warfare officers, who at their Stateside base, hadpainted his car with the radar absorbing paint used on the aircraft, and who also made up an electronic gizmo that processed the incoming police radar signal and returned it with his selected speed reduction incorporated.
    The local cops presumably could be identified by the scratchmarks on their heads.

    Locally, a while back, some of the kids from the local college pulled up behind one of our civvy operated speed check vans and asked the bloke inside if he would show them how it operated. While this was going on,their mate unscrewed the number plate from the van and put it on to the front of his car. He then made several high speed dashes past the van before replacing the plates. We never got to hear the upshot of the bookings.

  7. #4657

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Just read a great little story (RD) in the doctor's waiting room while waiting to go in.

    If I remember the right man, it was lawyer F.E. Smith before his later appointments.

    A young bloke was suing a bus driver for injuries to his shoulder, Smith was questioning him.

    Smith asked: "How far can you lift your arm now?" The bloke lifted his arm a few inches wincing with pain.
    Smith asked: " How far could you lift it before the accident?"

    The bloke raised it above his head.

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