1. #4546

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    • 1 cat cut in serving-sized pieces dusted in flour with salt and pepper
    • 1/4 c. extra virgin olive oil
    • 6 artichokes
    • 2 1/4" thick slices of slab bacon, diced
    • 1 small sweet onion, diced
    • 4 cloves garlic, minced
    • 1 carrot, diced
    • 1 lemon
    • 3 small tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and diced
    • 1/2 c. dry white wine
    • 2-4 c. homemade chicken broth
    • garni of 4 flat parsley stems, 6 leafy thyme branches, 1 bay leaf tied up with kitchen twine Salt and pepper
    • 1/4 c chopped flat-leaf parsley (optional)


    1. Snap the leaves off the artichokes until only the tender inner leaves remain. Snap off the stem. Trim the remaining green bits from the bottom of the artichoke, and cut off the inner leaves in a bunch at the point where they are very tender. Pare the tough green outer layer off the remaining stem, pairing the stem into a point. Now cut the artichoke bottom into quarters and remove the choke with a sharp knife from each quarter. Rinse to remove any traces of foin ("hay") and drop them into a bowl of water acidulated with the juice of half a lemon.
    2. Heat 2 T olive oil in a large heavy casserole or Dutch oven. Dredge the cat pieces in seasoned flour, shaking off excess. Brown over medium heat, turning regularly, until golden on all sides. Remove cat pieces to a plate and dump any oil remaining in the pan. Add 1 T of the remaining oil and the bacon dice. (Omit bacon if you only have access to the thin-sliced vacuum packed supermarket variety.) Sauté until cooked but not "crisp". Add the remaining T of oil and the onion and carrot. Saute for 5 minutes, then add the artichoke quarters and the garlic, stir one minute, and add the tomatoes and the white wine. Turn up the heat and reduce until syrupy, stirring constantly, for about 5 minutes. Lay the bouquet garni on top of the vegetables. Arrange the cat pieces on top, together with any juice accumulated in the plate.
    3. Pour in enough broth to come halfway up the sides of the cat pieces. Cover and bring to a simmer. Continue to simmer over very low heat about 1 hour or cook in the oven at 350 degrees for the same amount of time. The cat should be just tender and part readily from the bone. Don't overcook or it will become dry. Check the liquid level frequently and add more broth if necessary. Turn the cat pieces once.
    4. When done, remove the cat pieces to a warm platter and arrange the vegetables, removed with a slotted spoon, around them. Cover and keep warm. Strain the remaining pan juices into a smaller saucepan and reduce over high heat, skimming frequently, until reduced by 1/3. Pour over the platter and serve immediately. Sprinkle with finely chopped flat-leaf parsley if you like.

    standing on a bridge
    watching water rushing under-
    neath it must have been much harder
    when there was no bridge just water

  2. #4547

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    reminds me of a meal I had at the Butterworth 'makan cart' at about 5:30 AM one Monday morning.
    they used truck tyre instead of cat.

    PS: they also added about half a teaspoon of medium to coarse sand instead of the parsley.

  3. #4548

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’
    Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
    The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
    ... Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’
    The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
    Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
    The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’
    Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’
    A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’
    Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.’
    The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
    Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.’
    Chuck grew up and now works for the government.

  4. #4549

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated


  5. #4550

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    this was shamelessly stolen from another forum i visit...

    http://www.lakeontariounited.com/fis...e-pro-staffer/
    standing on a bridge
    watching water rushing under-
    neath it must have been much harder
    when there was no bridge just water

  6. #4551

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    i'll try again...







    i think thiese are it.
    standing on a bridge
    watching water rushing under-
    neath it must have been much harder
    when there was no bridge just water

  7. #4552

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    WHAT THE@#$% ??



    The "F" Word - When is @#$%acceptable?

    There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has beenconsidered acceptable for use.
    They are as follows:


    10. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?" -- Capt. E. J.Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

    9. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

    8. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877

    7. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938

    6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926

    5. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

    4. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566

    3. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

    2. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" -- Noah, 4314 BC

    1. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton,1998


    *******************




    Dad reckons fishing is 10% brains and 95% muscle, the rest is just good luck.

  8. #4553

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Quote Originally Posted by kingcray View Post
    WHAT THE@#$% ??



    The "F" Word - When is @#$%acceptable?

    There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has beenconsidered acceptable for use.
    They are as follows:


    10. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?" -- Capt. E. J.Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

    9. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

    8. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877

    7. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938

    6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926

    5. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

    4. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566

    3. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

    2. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" -- Noah, 4314 BC

    1. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton,1998


    *******************



    How about "@#$% yeah!" -- Neil Armstrong, 1969

    I like this game

  9. #4554

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    What is Celibacy?

    Celibacy can be a choice in life,
    Or a condition imposed by circumstances.
    While attending a Marriage w​weekend
    my wife and I listened to the instructor declare :​
    'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."
    He then addressed the men,
    'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'
    I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently
    and whispered :​
    'Self-raising, isn't it?'

    And thus began my life of celibacy..........

  10. #4555

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.


    She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.


    The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.





    She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"


    He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,


    I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."


    She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.


    He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."


    She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"


    As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.


    "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.


    As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.


    At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way


    the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.


    The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."


    The woman is totally confused by this and asks,


    "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"


    "The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."





  11. #4556

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    Here's an oldie for you.


    In the 70’s Idi Amin made a state visit to the UK.

    As a special treat the Queen, a bit of a horsewoman at heart, thought it would be rather nice to pick him up in an open horse drawn carriage, driving it herself.

    As they started back from the airport one of the horses started dropping foul smelling noiseless ‘softies’ which drifted back over the occupants - one about every mile or so.

    At first the Queen demonstrating British phlegm, ignored the smell, but after about 14 miles she could take it no longer and said:
    “Mr Amin, I must apologise for the terrible smells that have that have been wafting over us all the way from the airport.”

    Idi replied “Dat’s alright Your Majesty, I t’ought it was de horse.”

  12. #4557

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's Sending a friend over to look at a horse.
    His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?
    'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'
    So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
    'A female horth.'
    So he shows him a prized filly.
    'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?
    So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over..
    'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'
    So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
    'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'
    The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him
    up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
    'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'
    Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's ass, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
    The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
    'Perhapth I should wefwase that.
    Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'


  13. #4558

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman.

    They got on famously and ended up in bed.

    The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Randwick that day,

    shed tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

    In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs.

    The bloke looked through the race book and found Two Abreast’ on which he placed $100 at 5-1.

    It won by two lengths.

    In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes..

    He put the lot on Eyeliner’ at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.

    In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch..

    He backed nothing.

    After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4.

    'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. It paid a fortune’

    Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!'


  14. #4559

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    I went to the supermarket today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
    When I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
    So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
    He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Dick headed cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tyres!
    ... So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
    This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

  15. #4560

    Re: Joke of the Day - Please keep them G Rated

    This guy comes waltzing in to a bar one day, leans over to the bar and says 'What a wonderful smell that cedar bar gives off'.
    The barman looks at him and says 'How did you know that was cedar ?'
    'Easy', says the guy 'I can tell the smell of any type of wood, even with my eyes closed'.
    'Bullshit', says the barman. 'Here, put this on' and gives the bloke a blindfold. He lays down a piece of mountain ash in front of him and says 'OK, what's that ?'
    The guy leans over, sniffs, turns the wood over, sniffs again and says 'Easy, mountain ash. Could almost smell it as you were walking in the door'.
    'OK', says the barman, goes off and gets a piece of redwood. 'What's that then ?'.
    'Ahhhhh', says the guy as he sniffs, turns it over, sniffs again 'A but harder but I just love the smell of redwood'.
    'Real smart arse aren't ya', says the barman and calls over the hooker sitting in the corner. 'OK, without touching anything , what's this ?'
    The bloke leans over, sniffs, asks for it to be turned over, sniffs again and says 'Well, you nearly got me on this one. But it's still simple. It's the dunny door off a fish trawler'.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Join us