joke of the day

[nictim]

A Lefty’s Lament
I spent yesterday wandering the streets in a daze. Everywhere I looked: Howard Voters. They were whispering things behind my back. I thought sometimes I could make it out: "Loser... Loser".I'd turn around to catch them but they'd put on their defiant public transport face. The 'yeah I voted Howard' grim set of the jaw, goading me, just hankering me to make the first move, knowing that the crowd would be on their side, and would pulverise me.Everywhere I looked. The businessman (of course), the student, the road worker, even the hobo on the street who'd pissed his pants, all voted Howard, and all were saying. Get lost, you effete, cultural lefty. You chardonnay quaffing phoney. You think we care about your fancy ideas; your compassion. Compassion is for losers who wanna get off the treadmill. We paid good money for this high tech treadmill, and no bastard is going to turn it off before I've reached the end.
I'm out of touch. I'm ostracised.
I'm toying now with the idea of selling out. I don't know where to start. Should I buy a small business, a mobile phone store? I hear some guy made $200 Million from that, maybe that'd make me feel better. Should I just go all the way and sign-up at the local Hillsong church, learn to speak in tongues?
Should I sell up in this trendy bayside suburb and buy up big in the mortgage belt? Do I get a job in a quarry? Will that help? Will that make me more Australian?
I want Howard now to do his worst. I want him to control the senate - do the Unions over good and proper, while the workers stand to one side and cheer him on. I want a few pre-emptive strikes in the neighbourhood just to underscore who's boss. I want Rupert Murdoch to own all the media and I want to ditch the ABC who've filled my head with all this soft stuff. I want cable TV with 24 hour sport.
This is working. This feels good.
OK, I want to scrap Medicare. I want Tax cuts. I want a Nuclear waste-dump in YOUR backyard. I want to be on reality TV. I want a spa-bath, and a BMW, and I want the Abos in the local park cleared out. Most of all I want respect, and if I can't earn it. Well I'm bloody well going to buy it
Johnny.. I'm all yours. Come and take me!

[mini696]

I see you have something to get off your chest ;);D

[Gorilla_in_Manila]

Steve, careful what you wish for; Stand-up Johnny might miss the sarcasm.
A free shafting .... He'd flip you over and do you dry in a blink.
;D ;D ;D

[kevy]

jesus nictim its not the end of the world, slow down. the majority wins, so cop it sweet. just keep fishing and enjoy. all the best, kevy. :D :D

[mini696]

I'm happy knowing that Howard wont have the time to go fishing now!! #;D ;D

[Dug]

I have spent the last few days playing spot the liberal voter while wandering the streets. It is a sad occupation especially on the Sunshine Coast.

Our local member Peter Slipper is a far right Liberal. I had met him several times and formed an abiding hatred for the man and the feeling was mutual. At one meeting while discussing why people on high incomes get more in the way of tax cuts and wage increases Mr Slipper explained to me very seriously "But you must understand, the rich need more money than the poor because they have more expenses" #I could not argue the logic driving a Mercedes Benz costs more than my old ute, French Champaign cost more than my beer, #a beach house and a city high rise must cost more than my home in the 'burbs. #So he was right I had just never thought of it like that before I thought it was a good idea to try to get everyone to the same level of wealth.

I think I should go to the Hillsong church, where I believe, if I just pray more and sing God's praises louder, I will be rewarded with earthly riches as well as eternal salvation.

No I think I will just keep my loonie lefty ideas and not become part of the Rabid Radical Religious Right.


PS; I am a white, middle aged, middle class, male, I own a small business, I own my home, I am an ex-military, gun owner, who drives a ute (With dogs in the back:-)

I am your classic liberal demographic and I cannot stand them.

[Dug]

Nictim I sugest a "Liberal?" dose of http://members.optushome.com.au/thesquiz/scattmain.htm #repeat if necessary ;D ;D ;D

[hoge]

I'm with you Dug.

I'm alergic to liberals, they are my mortal enemy.

mick

[Dug]

Hey Mick if you are going to copy my quote remember to add;

" One day a liberal will kill me, I feel morally obliged to get them before they get me. "

Only joking of course ! ;D ;D ;D ;D [smiley=rifle.gif]

[Tezza985]

Yes! Lets all vote for money NOW!

and watch ROME BURN later.

Tezza.

[Dug]

No Tezza We vote for, MORE MONEY! we already have more than enough to live on, Greed is good remember. If we have MORE MONEY we can afford security to stop the poor people from taking stuff from us.


Like Daffy Duck said Me, Me, Me, Mine, Mine, all mine, mine, gimme, gimme, mine, mine, me, me, more, more, more.

[Glug]

No worries mates, I have pills for sale, one makes you forget every thing, another makes you love little Johny boy and the third one makes you hate him even more. I only have a few so supply and demand dictates the price only a $1000 each er + GST. Supplies like oil prices won't last so buy now. Sorry the last love Johny has just been sold to some guy in Liverpool

[SeaHunt]

Careful you Tree Huggers. ::)

A man was hiking in the woods when he spotted another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly pressed against the trunk.
"Are you okay, buddy?"
"Shh!" said the tree-hugger. "I'm listening to the music of the trees."
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, not at all. Would you like to try?"
"Well, maybe..." He wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear tight against the trunk. The other guy then slapped a set of handcuffs on him, stole his wallet, watch, jewelry, and car keys, then stripped him bare naked and left.
Hours later another man strolled by, saw this naked guy handcuffed to a tree and asked, "What happened to you?"
As he related the sordid tale, the new guy just shook his head in sympathy, then walked around behind him, unbuttoned his trousers and whispered, "Honey, this just ain't your day!" [smiley=smitten.gif] [smiley=anxious.gif][smiley=shocked2.gif] [smiley=bigcry.gif]

[notts_so]

Dug ya crack me up .But the rest of you a going to have to get over it Idont care who,s runnin the show they will all piss in your pocket and stab you in the back so keep your hands in your pocket and your backto the wall and do what you want to do not what they think you should 8)

[Dug]

Too true, Notts-so, too true. I'm glad someone gets a laugh out of what I say here My wife usually just shakes her head and walks away, I just keep taking my medications and the world looks fine to me. Though I will give up tree hugging after sea hunts story ;D

Like I say I'm a greenie but when they took my Semi automatic rifles and pump action shot guns off me I spent the compensation on a big new chainsaw. My wife was never frightened by me with guns as I am trained in the safe use and handling of semi and fully automatic weapons, She is terrified of me in the garden with a chainsaw. 15 palm trees have played and lost so far and that is just on one tiny suburban block [smiley=builder.gif]

[SeaHunt]

Hey Dug, you can bring that chainsaw around to my place and add 4 more palms to the total if you like. It's a pity you havn't still got the pump action shotty or you could have brought that with you as well and cleaned up the friggin flying foxes that visit the palms every night. [smiley=rifle.gif]

[Dug]

Where do you live sea hunt?
Mr chainsaw loves playing with Mr Palm Tree!
;D

I'm in Maroochydore but have chainsaw will travel.

[Dug]

PS any Liberal voters round there while I have it running?