WIN FREE CHARTER WITH MONO

[mono]

Yep thats right, FREE.
The reason I'm donating this rtip is because its Mackerel season and I'm running out of reasons to tell my clients how I lost my leg. I enjoy reading all the reports etc from ausfish members I would like to give you the opportunity to come fishing aboard the 'Cavanbah' on the north coast of NSW with some other ausfish legends!
You will be fishing with the owner of ausfish, Steve.
The Bay guru, Webby and the soon to be, new national bearded burbler and channel 10 star-Dave 'Nugget' Downie.
Just a few rules;
You must be available on seven days notice.
Male or female doesnt matter.
You must be over the age of 16.
You need to make your way to Brunswick Heads on the day.
Trip is not tranferable for cash.

TO WIN, All you have to do is;
Tell me in fifty words or less how I got the nick-name 'mono'. The answer must have a humourus angle and dont worry, I've got thick skin!!
The winner will be judged by the above anglers and notified on this site.
Closing date is 30th February and the trip will be in the month of March 2005.
Good luck
May your ratchet keep screamin'
Captain Mark 'Mono' Stewart

[Tony_N]

Yep - I want to be in this one. Just a couple of questions - do you want the replies to be PM'd to you, or to run thru this thread. Are multiple entries allowed? Do you really only have one leg and are you REALLY thick skinned?

Tony

[Nugget]

I've seen his second leg - it's a little bit shorter but it is multi purpose!!

Dave ><>

[Tony_N]

I have the good oil from a mate in Brunswick. For particular anatomical reasons, Mono used to be called Tripod. Then in a tragic accident at sea he lost both legs......

[Nugget]

Having spent many hours alone at sea with Mono and sunk more than a few cans of Jimmy, I can tell you I know the truth.
When Mono was born the doctors took one look and thought he was born deformed - three legs.
They asked his mother what did she want to do - she said cut one off so he will grow up like a normal boy.
The rest is history.

Dave ><>

[ba229]

You got the nickname "mono" because you don't trust this new fancy stuff all the kids are using called "braid".

[ba229]

You're deaf in 1 ear, so this stereo concept never really took off for you.

[Tony_N]

Mono is a kind of pun, you see
It stands for a type of fishing line
And a bloke with no leg below one knee.

[Mick]

Mark was nick named mono when he was 17. He drove his rust bucket mitsibishi sigma down the road and put on the windscreen - $10 000 M.O.N.O. Instead of having O.N.O for "or nearest offer". His mates asked him what it stands for. Mark said "may overcharge new owner".

[Tony_N]

Google tells me that Mono is street talk for infectious mononucleosis- aka the kissing disease.

Rumour has it that Mark contracted this disease (and then the moniker) some years ago when he was doing Rex Hunt impersonations with released fish

[bay_firey]

Closing date is 30th Febuary #

Now thats a good way to offer something free and not have to give it up

One will be waiting a long time for the 30th of Feb so that the comp can be drawn

[Mick]

Well spotted Mark! I missed it.

[ba229]

now we all know that mono = 1

sooo......

Your mum and dad named you mono cause you are an only child. Could go along the lines of "he was sooooo ugly when he was born we decided to stop at one. Therefore we named him mono." :)

Or dad only got to have his way with mum once before you were conceived. After that he didn't get any action so he calls you mono. Short for mono root.

[mackmauler]

rofl alex ;D

[Maria]

Alex, come on mate....can you fix up your avatar/note please - don't insult the Village People in such a way by making reference between them and RENDER ;D.

[imnotoriginal]

Mono= 1
1= the number of fish you're gonna catch on the trip, that's why he has to give away the spot instead of charging for it ;D
Joel

[mono]

Hi, correction to closing date it is now 28th not the 30th!!
Multi entries are ok but please post them on this thread-not as a PM.
Thanks and good luck.

[Derek Bullock]

Way down south lives a guy called Mono,
Some even say he can sing like Bono
One day while out fishing
He was not watching what he was doing
A shark it did lunge and with jaws it did munch
And his foot disappeared below the water

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Fitzy]

Not an entry but an ok yarn just the same.

A few years ago I was working with DPI at the Fraser Comp measuring fish etc as part of a survey. As the boats would come into Waddy we'd ask if we could measure their catch.
After a few days everyone was helping us out great & would line up to be surveyed.
The camera crew came down with Waynie Poo on the mike asking questions & offering wise crack comments. This one boat pulls up & someone hung a (from memory) snapper over the side that had been bitten in half buy a shark.
The Poo was suitably impressed & them Mono, who happened to be on board throws his stump over the side of the boat & says something along the lines of "bloody shark,, I jumped in after the thing & look what it did to me".
Waynie Poo was quite shocked & speechless until everyone around started laughing. Pretty funny, but you had to be there. ;D

Cheers,

fitzy..

[Big_unit]

Mono, he is a freaken fishin wizz who lost his leg in a wee mishap on the Cape. Some have said that it was his pizzle & some say it was his leg, lost in the Cape to some whoppin big muddie, that got a piece of him. You wouldnt know it and I am hopin Mono wont show it but his nickname should be "stumpy"

[Tony_N]

'Mono', I'm told, will also answer to Mark
He acquired his 'tag'
While fishing for trag
When his leg was bit off by a shark

[Jethro]

He may have lost his leg but look what he does to his customers......... see below ;D (yes it is my foot :o)

[Jethro]

How about.....

"When your on a hot Mackerel bite and you run out of bait you need to improvise. I was willing to make the sacrifice so my customers could keep fishing"

[Fishin_Dan]

I once met a dog called "Table". The people that owned him found a kitten caught in their back fence by its leg. They took it the Vet, and he had to amputate the leg from the cat. So they kept the cat, and called her "Tripod". Anyway, they then got a dog, and as it had 4 legs, they had to think of something with 4 legs - Therefor the dog got called "Table".

Me thinks that this would be a similar situation for the now known "Mono".

[gif]

Mono


This was years ago. #We were fishing the Fraser Classic, driving up and down the beach looking for likely gutters. # Nugget, the electronics Guru and better than average angler was playing with his new gadget, marking the gutters by pushing buttons on the thing that looked like a calculator.

“I use GPS to mark the gutters too”, said Steevo. # #

Nugget gave Steevo a quizzical stare. # You see Steevo wasn’t known for his ability with electronics or even anything mechanical. #In fact we all thought that the ring pull been can was invented for him – because he couldn’t use a can opener. # So come to think of it, why had we let him do the driving?

“Yep”, said Steevo, “I mark gutters with GPS # - Great Phucking Sticks # - now give me a hand with this log over here.”

Steevo had spotted a pretty ordinary gutter but a huge piece of wood just out of the waves. #Just to emphasise his claim he headed for the thing at high speed, stopping at the last minute - probably because he had forgotten which pedal was the brake. #

“Crikey” said Nugget, “it’s not a log it’s a body with one leg missing”. # Wrapped in seaweed and fishing line it was hard to tell if it was still alive.

Steevo cut the engine, but no one dared get out.

Out of curiosity Nugget wound down the window. # #Yep he had heard a moan. # The log was alive.

Everyone was silent - for the first time in days. # It was a welcome relief now I think about it.

Nugget turned around and asked the obvious question “what’ll we do? # What do you say to a one legged wash-up on the side of the track?”

“Hop in”? #cracked some smart ass in the back. #

“Hey Mate!” # # # #no answer # #“Hey Mate!” #even less of an answer.


“Looks like he has been out at sea for a while” said Nugget. # He had the knack of saying the bloody obvious and making it sound interesting, even then. #

“I can see why”, said the voice from the back “he’s been swimming around and around in circles like a one legged duck.”

“Jeeez” said Steevo # “I can see what you use for birth control – your personality”

At that moment they all knew it was on. # Usually it was late at night at the camp fire before the jokes and insults started flying but today’s battle of the (half) wits had begun early.

“Well he won’t answer to Mate # so what do we call him?” #said Nugget trying to deliver a scientific answer to the problem at hand.

“Maybe he floated down from PNG, where the cannibals got him. # Then we could call him Stu ?” # #The voice was at it again.

“He’s been floating around for a while - maybe we had better call him Bob?”

“Maybe he was thrown in the water - we should call him Duncan?”

"He looks pretty ugly" "Well then we won't call him Art"

“I used to have a dog with no legs” # #
# #He was left to me by my uncle so I called him Will # #
# # # # #“Didn’t matter, though whatever I called him - he wouldn’t come anyway”
(Those jokes scored no points so we ignored them)

“Steevo if you had hit the brakes any later he’d be under the car and we’d have to call him Jack”

“He looks a bit fat, but if we stood him up we’d have to call him Lean”

“Look if we took him to a restaurant we’d end up leaving him behind” # #“So I suppose we could call him Tip?”

“He looks like he’s thrown up a lot - maybe we should call him Chuck?”

“That’s a nasty cut. #I suppose Nick wouldn’t do?

“Cut? # He looks like he was struck by lightning - maybe we should call him Rod?

“Well does he look Japanese? #Then we could call him Irene”

“I don’t care ... there is no more room in that pathetic little tent you brought, #we'll have to leave him at the door and call him Matt”


What that wrapped around his stump? # Looks like braid?

Nugget peered out the window “Nope # its mono” and just then the body moaned. #

“That’ll do ... he answered to Mono” said Nugget. # “Now give me a hand to throw him in the back.”

“No way!” #said Steevo “what am I gonna use to mark the gutter now?”

“yeah you’re right # if we take him now a left him too close to the camp fire tonight while we go fishing we would have to call him Bernie” # # #Nugget always had the last word.

[imnotoriginal]

Just how many puns can you fit in one post? I think gary has the record. But you forgot one good one. "maybe if we cut the other leg off we could call him Neal" :P
Joel

[Justme]

I reckon with 2 pegs he was too quick off the mark and had a savage side step so to slow him down a bit they docked one. What do ya think?

[propdinger]

there was this young guy on the northern NSW border surfing one arvo the sets were closed so he decided to check out the local white pointers from the water while he was squinting and trying to see those lovely creatures his legs were dangling in the water below when low and behold he see's people all around him saying "WHITE POINTER WHITE POINTER" Mono being a hot blooded young man just grins ;D and says yeah they are lovely aint they when next thing he looks down when the great white had his leg and was swimming off in disgust that is was only a small meal and it was too hairy....
this is now why they call him mono cause of the one leg

jeff

[gif]

Ouch Joel

You got me # - I thought I had a full set but I missed such an obvious one. # Next time we will have to team up.

Actually I just added another one # Art.

Yes yes I know its over 50 words # - but I was hoping to win the encouragement award. # That's the charter where you get to fish from the jetty next to Mono's boat while he calls out the occasional encouraging word while sitting in a deck lounge sipping a rum.

[Gazza]

Mono? - runs in the family mate... 8)
My dad/rellie once fought a lion in Africa, single-handed ,came out single-handed.
Me? ,well I had a few too many bundies on a Barra trip once, and tried to kick the crap out of a crocodile. #:o

Edit: will post photo proof ;D :D :D :D

[Fisher_Boats]

Mono was dropping his lead filled reef pick over in 100 mtrs water.
Rope got caught around his leg started pulling him in.
Looked over the side....... noas everywhere... didn't want swim with them buggas
Had to cut her off with the bait knife. wrapped it with a rag and some insulation tape for the ride home.
Week later all healed up.

ah well spose you gotta try

[bigal]

the elastic broke in his grundies so he used some 30lb MONO to tye them up. noone wants that hideous thing to escape. ;D pick me up at the jetty ill have all the rods i need.

[Gazza]

told ya!! ;D

[imnotoriginal]

That must have been on mono's tour of africa!
Joel

[Gazza]

Must be Mono's dad...only has one hand #:-X ::)
;D

[Tony_N]

The sad truth of it is that Mono cut one of his legs off himself for the sake of marital harmony. #He kept getting himself into a god-awful tangle every time he tried to get his legs (both of 'em) over.

[Jethro]

Or this one

" I actually bought the business off a guy with one leg. It was called Mono's Fishing Charters then. Well you know that they its bad luck to change the name on a boat so what choice did I have"

;D

[BigE]

;) a quick search for mono on google reveals all...... Infectious Mononucleosis, or "mono" for short, is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus. It is a viral infection with severe symptoms that can leave you bed-ridden for weeks, even months. Mono is easily passed from person to person through contact with the saliva of someone who is infected, either through kissing (where the common title for mono, "the kissing disease", comes from) or sharing a drinking glass or eating utensil. The virus also lies in the mucus of an infected person, making it easily spread through a cough or sneeze. A person can be sick with mono for weeks, sometimes even a couple of months, before any symptoms begin to appear. The first signs of mono can easily be confused with cold and flu symptoms - fever, headache, sore muscles and swollen lymph nodes. When extreme fatigue sets in it's almost a sure sign of mono. Sometimes it is too much of an effort to even take a shower.
now lets add it up.... is mono short? yep espically when it's his shout at the bar.
does he stay in bed for weeks ? the ausfish rumor mill indicates this is also true.
is mono easily passed? (with one leg what do u think) but this is a trick Q? so i also asked some of mono recent err .... love intrests
Dwight Roberts
Indiana
"I had mono a few years ago. My whole body swelled up and turned red. My doctor had never seen this before. He said I needed to flush my system out. My mom suggested an herbal remedy since I couldn' t take antibiotics, that' s how we found Monobrex™. The swelling slowly started to fade. Within a week the swelling was mostly gone and I went back to work. No problem. Now when ever I feel sick I flush my system out the same way. I have not had anything other than a cold since

Dawn Bell
Texas

"I was diagnosed with mono (and also strep throat) on a Friday after three days of an extremely sore throat. I took Monobrex™ and by the following Thursday all signs that I had any infection had vanished. I was back to normal after less than a week. Thank you!"

Kayser Strauss
Alabama

"I had Mono and I hated it. My friends were afraid to come over and didn't call. I couldn't eat and I was so tired but I was also tired of sleeping. It was terrible. My doctor said all I could do was get lots of rest and just " wait it out" , that was so frustrating. My mom' s friend is really in to natural medicine. She found Monobrex™ on the internet and ordered some for me. I was pretty skeptical but I was also really bored and in a lot of pain, too. After she explained to me how it works I tried it, along with drinking a TON of water and eating lots of vegetables. Within a week my symptoms were almost completely gone and I could get through a day without being out for the next week. It' s been less than a month since then and my life is back to normal."
it appears to true as well.. but i still wasn't convinced so i email Rex Hunt who verified that Mono did indeeded teach him how to kiss fish(IE mono the kissing disease) Boy the evidence is stacking up.....the only thing left on the list is it to much effort for Mono to take a shower?????? i believe that mono isn't a nickname it actually is who mono is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.monobrex.com/

sorry Mr Stewart ....... but you did ask ...& i like fishin :P

[ba229]

While climbing over rocks in a freshwater canyon looking for Bass a large boulder rolled just enough to pin your leg between it and a rock wall.

After eating your only food (a Mars bar) and drinking your own urine to survive for 4 days you had a hard decision to make.

Die in the canyon and hope that they find your bones one day or cut the leg off yourself?

Fortunately you had just sharpened the filleting knife before leaving on this trip.

Don't believe this story? He has digital photos to prove it. They will most probably be put in "reports" one day.

[ba229]

This story is called "The Inlaws"

The first time you went to meet your prospective new parents it was decided best if your girlfriend (now wife) went first to talk to them and calm them down.

You were to meet her there in 2 hours time and have dinner with her family.

After a 4 hour drive into bush country you found the farm alright.

Cousin Cleetus was sitting on the porch playing banjo and sucking apple sauce through a straw just like your missus had said he would be.

And sure enough there was 14 pairs of boots hanging from the powerlines out front too.

lol its at this stage of the story that I could go in many directions to the conclusion :-)

ok I have decided #;D

So you meet the folks and Dad takes you on a tour of the farm.

Being a very good ventriloquist you decided to have a bit of fun with the old bloke.

As he is showing you the stable, in your best Mr Ed voice you make the horse say "well hello there".

The old man looks a bit puzzled but continues on. Showing you the pig pen you have one of the pigs say "pleased to meet you"

The oldman looks all scared and runs back to the house with you following close behind.

Dad gets to the house and says to Ma "The animals are all talking. The horse said hello and the pigs said they were pleased to meet us. If the little lambs start talking just ignore them. They are lying."

Its at this stage your missus bursts out laughing and tells dad that you can talk without your lips moving.

He looks at you with a look so evil you can feel a chill in the air. "Ma, Get my shotgun. And boy? you better start running"

Cousin Cleetus starts laughing hysterically just like all hillbillies on TV do.

You managed to get about 50m before... BOOM. The old bloke blew your leg off. He calmly walked up to you, raises the shotty to your head and says "son, let that limp remind you of me. Welcome to the family"

With that he walks away to drink some of his moonshine.

You got married in the following spring.

[Sergio_kutz]

Mono was so proud to show how rough his skin and his line was, that he caught a shark and proceeded to rub it up with his leg, well the shark wasn't too happy about this and proceded to munch off his leg after being violated so. However it was still caught on his line. His mono was tougher than his leg and thus, mono was born.

[aussiebasser]

The first time I met Mono was at the Brisbane Boat Show a coupla years ago. When I saw him walking up to me, I thought he was going to a fancy dress party, what with the one leg and crutch, a hook on one hand and an eye patch. I went up and said, wot's with the pirate look, and he said he was fair dinkum and not putting it on. I said OK, so how'd ya lose the leg mate, and he told me about a huge Spaniard that they lifted in to the boat a bit green, and as it thrashed around, it took off his leg. OK says I wot about the hook on ya arm, and he told me about a big Wahoo, again brought in green that thrashed around and took his hand off as he was trying to retrieve his lure. OK says me again, wot about the eye patch, and he tells me that he was trolling for schoolies one day, and looked up to see if there were any clouds around and a seagull flew over and crapped in his eye. I says that I got ya there, 'cause seagull sh!t won't take ya eye out, and mono says yeah, but when you've only had a hook instead of a hand for week, anything can happen. Similar thing happened to his right testicle when he woke up hung over and itchy shortly after the hook was fitted. So there you have it. One leg, one hand one eye and one gonad, pretty easy to see why you'd call the bugger Mono!!!!

[ba229]

Ok, sorry, I forgot about the 50 word limit.

The whole thing has been a ploy for a long time.

You heard that fishing was going to become a sport at the special olympics. In anticipation of this long awaited event you had your body modified to please the judges. :)

[philip_thomson]

hmmm since i have no creativity i will just pay to go on a trip in April ;D

[Esme]

Captain Mark Stewart had an obsession with a huge whale, Moby Dick. The whale caused the loss of Mark’s leg years before, leaving Mark to stomp the boards of his ship 'Cavanbah' on a peg leg. Mark is so crazed by his desire to kill the whale, that he is prepared to sacrifice everything, including his life, the lives of his crew members, and even his ship to find and destroy his nemesis, Moby Dick. Hence his nickname "Mono" for his one track mind, and "Mono" for his ‘one’ leg!! ::) Esme

[philip_thomson]

Mono's clients were onto some top fish then he hooked a 40kg wahoo. because his arms were full he got one of his clients to use the gaff. not knowing what they were doing they made a wild swing and hit Mono's leg causing the leg to fly off into the water. ;D

[imported_admin]

Closing date is 30th February

What the ?

[webby]

Havent you heard about the Cockroaches Leap Leap Years ;D

[ba229]

lol seems one web site owner doesn't read ALL the posts :-)



Closing date is 30th February and the trip will be in the month of March 2005.





Now thats a good way to offer something free and not have to give it up

One will be waiting a long time for the 30th of Feb so that the comp can be drawn




Well spotted Mark! I missed it.



Hi, correction to closing date it is now 28th not the 30th!!
Multi entries are ok but please post them on this thread-not as a PM.
Thanks and good luck.


;D ;D ;D Thats it. I made fun of the owner so I won't win :) :) :) ::)

[Gazza]

Ok, sorry, I forgot about the 50 word limit.
The whole thing has been a ploy for a long time.

You heard that fishing was going to become a sport at the special olympics. In anticipation of this long awaited event you had your body modified to please the judges. #:)

Nahh Mate, You cokroaches are pretty slow....but Qld wins the slower contest!! ;D

you get my vote [smiley=2thumbsup.gif] , and i'm sure Mono's mummy ,"Cyclops" will be thrilled ,when he kicks a goal for us :-X

[philip_thomson]

when Mark was 10yrs old his dad took him on a fishing charter. Mark got sea sick. the skipper told him that the best cure was to swim around the boat. he tryed this but was to slow at swimming and a big Noah bite of 1 of his legs. ;D

[rabbitohbill]

I'm consulting a few ols surfing mates from around Ballina/ Byron mono.

I reckon Munny or Jack Frost may be able to shed some light on this mystery. Have you still got that rotten kneeboard that used to steal all the waves by taking off deeper than us "able bodied" surfers?

I will post an answer before cutoof. [smiley=2thumbsup.gif]

[crayman]

:D Well i believe that the name Mono has been given to you in relation to the large Mono brow you have waxed every month. Other peolpe have just assumed because of your leg(taking the focus off your Mono Brow). Don't be afariad of the Mono brow it can save on a sunburt nose. But don't worry i well tell all the ladies it refers to your other leg.(would want to reck a good story). :P P.S. I would love to win the trip so i can meet you to back up my story. G'day Steve Brown long time no see.

[Sideshow_Cod]

your last name is really Mon.
Is that you Mono? You still owe me twenty bucks ya B@st@rd. And tell me sister to write home would ya. Mum still misses you and cries over that photo I took of you gutting that mackeral in the nude. She says to say that the herpes have finally cleared up and grandma isnt pregnant and that RSCPCA doesnt have enough proof to file charges. Oh yeah, the police have been looking for you but reckon you must be using an alias.

[bazzaman]

Mono fish is all youve ever caught,Youve only been fishn mono times, You only have a mono mate, you only have a mono rod, You only have a mono boat, You only have a mono testical (so your wife says), so mono is ur name mo!

Cheers Shano

[Big_Kev]

All good pirates only have one leg!

[philip_thomson]

when Mark was a baby his father was throwing him up in the air and catching him and forgot that the fan was on above him. he throw Mark to high and the fan chopped of 1 of his legs.

[philip_thomson]

for Marks 7th birthday his parents bought him a superman costume. trying to be like superman he put it on and jumped off the roof. he soon found he couldn't fly. he fell to the ground and broke his leg in 10 places. it had to be amputated.

[ba229]

Your a man of few words.

You want a beer? Yep

How was the fishing? Good

Hows the wife and kids? Ok

If you had John Howard and Kim Beasley on your boat and it was sinking who would you save? Neither

How was dinner dear? Nice

Want some dessert? Nah

Need any explanations? Nope

[MulletMan]

You were damned clumsy one day and got a slip knot of "mono" line 'bout yer leg. Cut off the blood supply and off it had to come due gangrene!


I win! I win!

[DR]

Because 'there is only one of you.'

[Girella]

I was planning to have a crack but sideshow cod's effort has me laughing too hard to think !

What a crack up. IMHO The Winner.

[beefaman]

I saw Mark with an earring, and said to him "only two types of people wear earrings....poofters and pirates, and I dont see a parrot on your shoulder!!"...then he showed me his one leg and he said "I am a pirate #;D"

[macdwp01]

I was out fishing with "MONO" when all of a sudden i hooked a whoppen fish, up to the surface it came, "MONO" got the gaff and gaffed it, on deck a whoppen fish was to behold, and this fish was name MONOFISH because MONO gaffed it and i caught it. I caught the fish, mono gaffed it. This story is so stupid its funny.

[mono]

I'm overwelmed with the responses!
But for a bit more incentive check out todays post in 'Reports' under 'Mackerel Madness-Bruns.
Only 11 days till closing.
Cheers

[Tony_N]

I'm overwelmed with the responses!
But for a bit more incentive check out todays post in 'Reports' under 'Mackerel Madness-Bruns.
Only 11 days till closing.
Cheers

The name "mono" has #got nothing to do with his leg. #It's short for monopoly (ie exclusive control) which is what he's got over catching #northern NSW mackerels.

[Tony_N]

I know [smiley=bulb2.gif]

Mono is short for monotony. #He got the name because he constantly grizzles about how monotonous and boring it is having to go out and catch mackerel every day.

[jimbo59]

To whom it may concern.

this is the true story of one...monarkarse veretta,born into a poor family of italian mullet fishermen.Monarkarse grew up in the tweed river region of northern nsw and as he was growing up he decided he wasnt going to follow his father guesepe into the mullet fishery, his father dis-owning him told him he would never ever get the boat he was promised as a youngster.So as time went on and started to carve his own niche in fishing for mackeral off the rocky headland of fingle head, by the age of 14 he was catching 3 a week and making 1 pound and 7 shillings,sick of his sisters rubbishing him for the small catch he started to build his own boat out of discarded floatsam any thing he could find he put in there,old thongs,foam,rejected bits of wood.The big day came and he was off...paddling at warp speed to get thru the bar which was running hard,but this boy was expiranced he had the thing sussed and what a day he, had 39 big fish what he didnt know was a big shark was following the boat, it was a hard day for the lad and he was letting his legs dangle over the sides of the hull when whamo, up it came and bit off his foot.He put a plastic bag over it and paddled home as fast as he could,big sister conchita peddled him to the clinic on dads 28inch marlvern star, un-able to fix the damage the doctor sent him home to recover with a dressing,over time it healed and soon the local kids were teaseing him,calling him eileen and things like that.Pissed off with life he joined the harry crishnas only to be told what to do all the time,sick of chanting in the city (he couldnt stand city life) he returned home after saving almost 300 pounds.He brought a blisscraft oceaneer 16 and it was a beauty making 1000 pounds a year doing what he loved...fishing.Thirty years on hes now known as mono, one of the best mackeral fishermen the tweed reigon has seen. Oh yes his dad has completly forgiven him.



this has been a true story from one he dosnt remember..........his illagitimate son but that my friends is another story.

[philip_thomson]

back in your early years u were watching a building being blown up and because u stood to close your leg got blown off by a piece of flying shraptnael (spelling).

when u were a child you were out on the road playing football with your old man and u ran along the gutter and yuor leg got stuck in the metal. they had to cut off the leg ;D

[rabbitohbill]

Your dumped mistress decided you no longer need the extra leg. Fortunatly, due to the exceptional size of all 3 legs, the walking leg was confused with the intended target..."The Loving Leg" & was duely amputated.

This at least still enables you to hop & fornicate, as opposed to what she had in mind during the viscious, though well deserved attack. [smiley=gossip.gif]

It is still a mystery why police were never called, tho it is rumored the truth needed to be protected.

[aussiebasser]

Completely off the subject of how Mono got his name, there was a time when Mono, Nugget and Steve Ausfish were fishing with Paris Hilton. Nugget landed the first fish and Paris was quite excited and congratulated him. Nugget said "Yeah, not a bad effort considering my disability!" "What is you disability?" asked Paris. "I have a wooden arm," said Nugget. Paris needed proof, so Nugget took her into the galley and unscrewed his arm. Next up Mono got a ripper Mackeral and Paris was again quite excited and congratulated him. Mono said "Yeah, not a bad effort considering my disability!" "What is you disability?" asked Paris. "I have a wooden leg," said Mono. Paris needed proof, so Mono took her into the galley and unscrewed his leg. Next Steve Ausfish got a huge Marlin and Paris was again quite excited and congratulated him. Steve said "Yeah, not a bad effort considering my disability!" "What is you disability?" asked Paris. "I have a wooden heart," said Steve. Again Paris wanted proof and Steve went into the galley with her. 15 minutes later Mono and Nugget were a bit concerned about what had happened, so they went into the galley, and sure enough, there was Steve screwing his heart out!! ;D ;D

[Fishin_Dan]

ROFLMAO!!! ;D ;D

[Da-Jew-Man]

Few people know that MONO, short for MONOTGOTTA, is a tribal elder of the GIVAMEMYJIMBEAMA tribe of the Brunz area. As a young buck he would fish the traditional way (Spear) for the big crocodiles ( Flatties) of the Brunz river, with another tribemember NUGGETOUTAHEAR.The dugout he had at this time was a bit risky tackling the Brunz bar, althought the one he has today is a bit better. Anyway one morning Monogotta spied a huge Croc and told Nuggetaoutahear to spear it. Now Nuggetoutahear was pretty hopeless with spearfishing ( later on he would learn to use a rod and reel and improve his fishing somewhat) and his throw missed the Croc and hit Monogotta in the leg.The spear had smashed the bone and almost cut the leg through.Monogotta in anger and pain grabbed the leg and in one movement ripped it off and hit Nuggetaouahear over the head causing a huge wound.(That wound is still there today and no hair will grow around it , hence why Nuggetoutahear always wears that hat).The leg was last seen floating out with the tide towards the Brunz bar.
Monogotta managed to tie vine around the leg and they both headed back to the tribal camp, which is where Monogotta's house is today.
Legend has it that the leg floated out past the bar and proved to be popular berley for big Barries and even today they still turn up in February/March looking for more
legs.(Hint for Mono sorry Monogotta -Use the other leg and you will get the bigun.)
It is also legend that at the campsite many feasts and corroboree's have happened and also virgins were sacrificed but that is another story.
;D ;D ;D ;D

[Tracker]

my vote is for aussiebasser.
mono,I will be down your way next week maybe see u then
cheers

[fish_head]

Mono would like you to believe that a big shark or mackeral took his leg off ,but this simply is not true. The real storey is years ago in the Bay Mark got on the jim beams pretty heavy one night and decided to go to the nothern hotel. With a very thick pair of jim beam goggles on Mark pulled a chick that he thought looked like shania twain. Problem was, next morning when he woke up next to her in bed and the jim beam goggles had worn off , he realised that she was as uggly as a bag full off ulcers. She was that uggly she made Camilla Parker Bowels look good. With her laying over the top of marks leg ,the only thing he could do to get out of there without waking her up was to chew his leg off. Hence the name mono

[mono]

Last chance! Entries close at midnight tonite (28.2.05). I will take at least a few days to pick a winner as there are some great entries.
Good luck.
Mono

[ba229]

Todays date is the 27th. ::)

[mono]

Shit! Sorry, been working too hard. Closing is tomorrownite at midnight (NSW time).
Cheers

[Burley_Boy]

Ok Here goes. The following should be sung to the tune of Waltzing Matilda and I had to cut #and compound some verses to keep the length down but you'll get the drift

1. Once was a young man
sitting in his little boat
fishing with Mono like Dad told him to
till a Spaniard caused the line twist
that caught his leg and tore it off
Nurse got confused and wrote Mono as his name

Chorus:
Fishing with Mono
Fishing with Mono
you'll get a catch
when you fish with the best
One way I can say
to get a smile that stays all day
Fishing with Mono that's what you should do.

[Gorilla_in_Manila]

There are lots of rumours, but the truth is that Mono catches so many fish, that the CSIRO have given him a Latin name.
So "Mono" is just the shortened form of
MONO PEDES DEPINGO INCOLA AGNATIO
Which translates to:
He who goes on one foot to paint "Locals Only"
;) ;D ;D

[philip_thomson]

mono was at a vending machine but had no cash. he stuck his arm up the machine to try and get a chocholate bar out. his arm got stuck ;D. he tried desperatly to get his arm out but then gave up. the fire brigade came and they had to cut off his arm ;D

[dasher]

What a load of dribble, anyone that knows him can attest if you go near his cans he screams out "hey they belong to mono, and thats me". It's even rumoured he keeps a cuppla cans in his refridgerated arti leg. ??? Can't confirm it, but definately believe it. ::) ;D

[dasher]

P.S. Everyone used to call him ICE which he thought mean't he was cool. ::) When he found out it mean't he was in everyone's esky he decided to change it to mono. :o ::) ;D ;D

[JRF]

Most people would say - I've lost a leg.

A true optimist would say - Look - a spare leg.....

[Heath]

He's called Mono for more reasons than one :o


Quiet street, suddenly an almighty roar as a Harley on one wheel flys past with the rider screaming his tits off as a possum, who’s stuck in his helmet goes to town on the riders nose! Rider hits tree, pissed off psycho possum proceeds to knaw off the riders leg!!

Hello, MONO!

[BigE]

I been on holidays so i haven't kept up with the posts and am a little late , anyhow the truth must come out (it needs to be told) you'll notice the co-conspirators are also involved in this story (IE Webby & Brownie) #:-X :-X #here goes "Many many years ago the orignal Mackeral guru was webby he had a beaut spot in a little seaside town (bowen) which he would brag to two mates(i use this term loosely) #where the mackeral came in so thick you walk on em (or so he said ) anyhow brownie who can make even the most boring fishin story sound like an epic adventure, talked captain mark (as he was known then) #into givin it a go!!! so out of the boat he steps on to the backs of a million swimming mackies (unbeliveable you had to see it) anyhow this great spanyaird (at least 150 lbs maybe 250 lbs if brownie is tellin the tale) tears into #the school under young mark and latches onto his leg.... now amoungst all the yellin & screaming and blood flyin everywhere, webby & brownie where tryin to bash the big spanyaird ( did i mention it was now 300 lbs with Mono's leg down his gut) off with a bit of drift wood , but mark could only see his shot at the "MACKERAL GURU CROWN" so he grabed the monster (at least 320lbs with all the little mackies he got with mono's leg) in the gills and draged him back on board.......... and even though it cost him a leg ,changed his life and name he is still known as BRUNSWICKS MACKERAL KING Captain "Mono" Stewart........................................... ...... ps rumour has it that monos other leg will be made a green zone but i'm unsure as to validity of the data used to determine this.

Regards #& may your ratchets keep screamin ..... BigE

[Jethro]

SO when do we find out who the winner is????

I would be more than happy to supply the beer for the trip ;D ;D

[The_Bulge]

Mark, tell me what year has February got 30 days in it. ;D Seeing it is the 2nd of march I hope I am still elligible for the prize. We will be able to exchange stories as I came very close to losing mine in an accident and have some great scars to prove it. I heard you ran out of bait one day when the mackeral were on and were so keen to catch a feed. Somehow you thought it would grow back just like a muddy when they throw a claw. 'DER' ::)
Take care and tight lines
Bulger

[icmlizardman]

Don't know if anyone else noticed but response date is 30th of february, either making making my entry on the 2nd of march legal, or the fact you are called mono refers to the monocals you should be using when looking at a calender!!icmlizardman ; apligies to the bulge who I jusy noticed can also read a calender

[icmlizardman]

Apologies to the bulge who I just noticed can read a calender

[aussiebasser]

And if you read a little further down you'll see that Mono realised his mistake, and changed it to Feb 28th. Give him a break, he can only count to 16. ;D

[mono]

OK, OK, THE WINNER IS?
Sorry about the delay but its taking a long time to go through the entries. My gut is still sore from laughing at some!
Give me another day or two-please!!!
Cheers

[Big_unit]

Come on Mono,
Your day or two is up. I am ready to go when you are.

Cheers
James.

[fishingnottake]

who did win this?

[imported_admin]

Banshee was the winner


See the following post by Mono

http://www.ausfish.com.au/cgi-ausfish/yabb2/YaBB.cgi?num=1132052661

[fishingnottake]

thats the naming contest, or did he win both?