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lucee81
07-10-2013, 06:11 AM
Well i had the displeasure of fishing off a known members boat yesterday and thought i would start a thread for all the unhappy customers out there...
Here's my story
plans were made for a 5am start at his place, i show up on time skipper no where to be seen he finally emerges some 15 min later (after second deckie arrives) "ready to go" he asks, "yeah sure", now never fishing off his boat before i wasn't sure if he traveled with rods in boat or in car so i ask "yeah mate just chuck them in the boat, as i proceed to set up boat with other deckie (lets call him cobiaman) the skipper decides there is not enough oil in his hubs so he proceeds to fill hubs with oil, now im no mechanic and ive seen some dodgy practices but what i saw yesterday i cant even explain, anyway "how far to the ramp mate?" about a k, sweet nothing too bad can happen in a k and its not a far walk, off we go finally, get to ramp and try to help unhitch boat , the ungrateful knob gets all frantic "don't touch the boat, you don't know what your doing" yeah righto mate thinking i should turn around now as were aren't even on the water, we finally get going skipper in seat cobiaman next to him and i ask "happy for me to sit anywhere" as there are plenty of seats, "nah stand there" this is going to suck as its a couple of hours drive to our destination a fair bit of bouncing and holding the throttle flat (kid thinks he owns a cat im sure) we make it to the bar "now whos crossed the bar?" he asks " i haven't done it in years" this bloke is surely having a go at me but he wasn't a slow trip through and we make it with our dignity, i try to be nice and make small talk whats the weather meant to be like " knowing full well as i checked it but all i got was a grunt and not sure, well i will be a butchers daughter if it didn't blow its tits off all the way to the shelf, we finally get there and yep this is the spot tie THE RIG onto the rod (only using one) dammit we traveled 600mts in 5 min, the question by the skipper "anyone good at maths, how far past the mark do we have to go so it lands on mark?" well i thought asians were good a maths but i was wrong and i mention no drop rate means who knows?
righto its agreed 1k past should do it, we drop line and lands bang on except we are 1k east of mark, just pull it up and we will have another crack, you just don't pull up 4kg of rig from 280mts using and alvey. Rig pulled tie on more reo and lets get it right, drop lines bang on mark finally this skipper has done something right. His words gentlemen "this is bang on we are a go for a definite hook up" no hook up...
head back in stop at a few of his secret spot and come back through the bar empty handed, stop at 4 beacons for lunch, i pull out my lunch which and apparently i was the only one that brought anything, which was fine had i known i was supplying lunch for everyone, so pull out a whole chicken, cheese and bacon rolls lettuce and cheese to make your own and this bloke whinges about no butter there was aioli, really on a boat no butter how precious can 1 man be. i make a good chilli that goes well with just about anything i hand some to said skipper and he whinges about some crap ive given up listening by this time, I had even chucked a spare jar in esky for him, that he took.
pull out the lemon meringue pie the mrs baked the night before for us and it was, I've had better i can make better etc ungrateful prick. so don't have any but he also takes the left overs of that back at home. we make it back to ramp and i'm sure if we didn't have gps we would still be lost out there as he probably couldn't tell east from west from the sun, i start to remove rubbish etc tidy up boat, in the car and away we go, get back to his place and boat parked up, i try to grab the hose and clean it down etc, "nah leave it i will do it tomorrow, you wouldn't know how to do it right anyway" OCD or what, he then ask me to take him around the corner as his car has boat on it for an hour, yeah no probs we load into the car and end up at some old dudes house with a bunch of other old dudes i swear these people should be in a home or wheel chair or something
(madmackrel, lucky phill, tropicrows, netmaker, horse, humdigger) the list goes on.
back to his place and cobiaman offers him some money and he looks at it with disgust like it wasn't enough and chucks it back at him, ($150) do i offer or what? i did just feed everyone? so i decide nah not offering this knob after what he did to poor cobiaman. i leave with a glad that is over..
will put up fishing report soon .

lucee81
07-10-2013, 06:13 AM
OH yeah i suffer from seasickness i did get sick once only and he didn't have the decency to stop the boat instead i spewed out the side at 50k/hr thus getting hit in the face by a rouge wave, only time i got sick the whole trip. didn't dare try that again.

Shark Poker
07-10-2013, 06:24 AM
pull out the lemon meringue pie the mrs baked the night before for us and it was, I've had better i can make better etc ungrateful prick. so don't have any but he also takes the left overs of that back at home
.

Very funny. I don't know why but I am still laughing at this part.

WalrusLike
07-10-2013, 06:53 AM
You buggers get lemon meringue pie?!

I've been suffering through all my boat trips meringue-less. Must have a word to the missus about this...

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

lucee81
07-10-2013, 06:59 AM
You buggers get lemon meringue pie?!

I've been suffering through all my boat trips meringue-less. Must have a word to the missus about this...

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

okay the lunch menu consisted of
Shapes with homemade chilli
also had kabana cheeses olives and pickles with water crackers and chilli good little platter (didn't get touched)
chicken lettuce and cheese (and not the crappy plastic cheese either) with aioli on cheese and bacon buns
lemon meringue pie for dessert. Family size, home made (mrs is half american, her family comes from the south so i get all the southern american pies like pecan, peanut butter, chocolate bar pie, the list goes on. always some tasty treat when doing a long day.
Skippers was somewhat not happy with this as it wasn't up to his usual standard that i found out later consisted of cold pizza...
i think hes just always sour....

fish'n'chippy
07-10-2013, 07:19 AM
OH yeah i suffer from seasickness i did get sick once only and he didn't have the decency to stop the boat instead i spewed out the side at 50k/hr thus getting hit in the face by a rouge wave, only time i got sick the whole trip. didn't dare try that again.

He must be a very experienced and thoughtful skipper......
You should be ever grateful that he helped you wash the taste of puke out of your mouth so you didn't have to suffer with it.
Skippers who care about their crews well being like that are rare.....

cobiaman
07-10-2013, 07:23 AM
Not only that, he rigged the reel up wrong and then ridiculed us for taking so long to wind up 450m of line!

lucee81
07-10-2013, 07:32 AM
Not only that, he rigged the reel up wrong and then ridiculed us for taking so long to wind up 450m of line!

Wouldn't assist until he thought a had a fish then held onto rod for a photo and handed it straight back. Without the slightest wind of the reel.

jtpython
07-10-2013, 07:37 AM
U Cunny Funts

fish'n'chippy
07-10-2013, 07:47 AM
1/2 way to NZ is not the place for a demarcation dispute, was a wise skipper to not touch the reel, not being in his job description
Rigging rods, reels (and all other associated equipment) is in the deckies work portfolio, not the skipper of the vessel.
Skippers job is to sit comfortably, critique crew and attend PR photo shoots......sounds to me like he everything right

cobiaman
07-10-2013, 07:48 AM
Wouldn't assist until he thought a had a fish then held onto rod for a photo and handed it straight back. Without the slightest wind of the reel.

96852 yep, that was it......

Not to mention him making you sprawl across the back seat because it was still full of eskys and crap from the 1770 trip......

And then there was this conversation

"should i bring this toilet paper on the boat?"
"Nah, heaps on board"
10 minutes later
"Wheres the toilet paper?"
"Hahaha, still in the car....."

WalrusLike
07-10-2013, 08:02 AM
So: Finally I can see who is who.... The pink shirted lair is the skipper with soiled toes.

The purple shirted chap is the master Alvey rigger and mr invisible behind the camera is the CobiaKing.

Got it.

You blokes look like your having too much fun. :)


(Using Tapatalk on iPhone so can't easily 'thank' or 'like')

Shark Poker
07-10-2013, 08:10 AM
Hang on, is that one of the old 9 inch Alveys? When you said Alvey I thought at least you had a deck winch!

netmaker
07-10-2013, 08:15 AM
gold lucas, gold.

lucee81
07-10-2013, 08:17 AM
Hang on, is that one of the old 9 inch Alveys? When you said Alvey I thought at least you had a deck winch!

Wash your mouth out. That alvey was brand new. We didn't bitch out with deck winches. It was mans trip. And not once did a deckie whinge about not having electric reels. There was a lot of whinging by said "skipper" about everything.

Gon Fishun
07-10-2013, 08:24 AM
okay the lunch menu consisted of
Shapes with homemade chilli
also had kabana cheeses olives and pickles with water crackers and chilli good little platter (didn't get touched)
chicken lettuce and cheese (and not the crappy plastic cheese either) with aioli on cheese and bacon buns
lemon meringue pie for dessert. Family size, home made (mrs is half american, her family comes from the south so i get all the southern american pies like pecan, peanut butter, chocolate bar pie, the list goes on. always some tasty treat when doing a long day.
Skippers was somewhat not happy with this as it wasn't up to his usual standard that i found out later consisted of cold pizza...
i think hes just always sour....

There's a lot of people out here dying for what's killing you. :-?

PS. he got you guys out and back safely. Stop whinging and whining. :P

Shark Poker
07-10-2013, 08:25 AM
That alvey was brand new?... That Sale must have been a pleasant surprise for Alvey.

"It was a mans' trip"...? Looks like a one man and his two "winders" kind of a trip to me.

netmaker
07-10-2013, 08:28 AM
we've all heard of the old bull and the young bulls yeah? old bulls at home feasting on fine reef fish, beers and rum - reminiscing the good ol days (1770 - 3 weeks ago;D) and the young bulls making a mess of the ocean with crap and spew and the like (minus the crap paper:o). you blokes should have just stayed in and put in more time at the old folks home. probably would have learned heaps...

FisHard
07-10-2013, 08:34 AM
Can't wait (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to see the response from "Skipper".

lucee81
07-10-2013, 08:35 AM
There's a lot of people out here dying for what's killing you. :-?

PS. he got you guys out and back safely. Stop whinging and whining. :P

I don't understand what's killing me.

lucee81
07-10-2013, 08:37 AM
There's a lot of people out here dying for what's killing you. :-?

PS. he got you guys out and back safely. Stop whinging and whining. :P
No he didn't. Auto pilot got us out there and back again. I don't want to start sounding unappreciative of a trip, so I leave it at that.

Horse
07-10-2013, 08:44 AM
It was nice to get a visit from the young'uns. The story of the trip was even funnier as we heard the tale of woe unfold. I think there will be a bright new electric reel setup on ASW before too long

Gon Fishun
07-10-2013, 08:49 AM
The diet M8 is what is killing you. Yum.

lucee81
07-10-2013, 08:56 AM
The diet M8 is what is killing you. Yum.

You don't make friends with salad.

Humdinger
07-10-2013, 09:00 AM
We'll done Lucas that is f priceless

manta man
07-10-2013, 09:07 AM
Your story has me in Raptures of laughter, The Dude in the Pink Shirt where's he going to some Beach Party

honda900
07-10-2013, 09:16 AM
Captain "Cranky toes"


regards
Honda..

lucee81
07-10-2013, 09:26 AM
Your story has me in Raptures of laughter, The Dude in the Pink Shirt where's he going to some Beach Party

That's our elusive skipper. He only left the Aircon cockpit for a photo op.

Scalem
07-10-2013, 10:02 AM
I don't want to start sounding unappreciative of a trip, so I leave it at that.

So you haven't got into top gear yet? Hit the switch, love to see you at WOT.;D

Scalem

thelump
07-10-2013, 10:13 AM
An Arab an Asian and a Fat Bloke go fishing.........

lucee81
07-10-2013, 10:18 AM
An Arab an Asian and a Fat Bloke go fishing.........
Let's call it boating.

Horse
07-10-2013, 10:38 AM
An Arab an Asian and a Fat Bloke go fishing.........

I heard it was an Arab an Asian and a Hobbit go fishing............

Giffo65
07-10-2013, 11:20 AM
Muddy

I did not realise you had a heigh restriction on your deckies !

6 ft
5 ft
-----------------------------------------
You must fit under this bar to deckie on Assault Weapon !
4ft

Shark Poker
07-10-2013, 12:56 PM
Lucee,
Would you come fishing with me?
While your company and expression on the day be may of a complete failure to appreciate as well as being unimpressed and even exasperated, your report the following day would be enlightening and would entertain the many.
Pauly

lucee81
07-10-2013, 01:26 PM
Lucee,
Would you come fishing with me?
While your company and expression on the day be may of a complete failure to appreciate as well as being unimpressed and even exasperated, your report the following day would be enlightening and would entertain the many.
Pauly

i only report the truth....

Shark Poker
07-10-2013, 01:38 PM
Of course you do.
So lets make a day pretty soon.
No need to bring lunch or bake any cakes, which will save you several hours, as I am slowly getting competent with my Sushimi.
Thanks again , see you soon.

Jarrah Jack
07-10-2013, 02:20 PM
Lucee..I've never thought you were a real person, more like Muddy's ulta ego. Like what mister is to sat nav sort of. Now I know you are.:)

Asian's are only good at having a billion more of them, you would've need TOL to work out that drop for you.

Now we know why they call it the break sea spit m&g, you had one out the side of the boat.

theoldlegend
07-10-2013, 03:06 PM
I'm still spewin JJ, because I couldn't get to the Alex Hills M & G!!


TOL

lucee81
07-10-2013, 04:12 PM
I'm still spewin JJ, because I couldn't get to the Alex Hills M & G!!


TOL
you didn't miss much a lot of old people, but had you gone i would have brought over a piece of lemon meringue pie for you...

Boat Hog
07-10-2013, 06:21 PM
Top report Lucas .... it was like I was right there with you ....except I wouldn't be as I'm too old for that!

Cheers,

Giffo65
07-10-2013, 06:42 PM
So where is the Skipper ?

fishfeeder
07-10-2013, 06:49 PM
classic mate top read...

With bringing a spread like that onto Muddys boat you will get offers to go fishing every weekend...

Cheers and want you doing next weekend ???

Greg P
07-10-2013, 07:02 PM
Well guys at least muddy doesn't wear old mate solemans gardening outfit 😳😳😱

lucee81
07-10-2013, 07:08 PM
Top report Lucas .... it was like I was right there with you ....except I wouldn't be as I'm too old for that!

Cheers,
so you've lived this agony too then?....

TREVELLY
18-10-2013, 10:28 AM
Very colourful report Lucas - thanks for pointing it out - it dwarfs the offshore fishing report you did - looking forward to reading skippers reply :)

From what you wrote - is he really that grumpy?

lucee81
18-10-2013, 10:33 AM
Very colourful report Lucas - thanks for pointing it out - it dwarfs the offshore fishing report you did - looking forward to reading skippers reply :)

From what you wrote - is he really that grumpy?
The skipper is too far up his own butt to reply.

Just sayin.

TREVELLY
18-10-2013, 10:46 AM
The skipper is too far up his own butt to reply.

Just sayin.

If that bait doesn't get a take then nothing will ;D

Lancair
20-10-2013, 07:24 AM
lucee81, after reading your report and what you did re food, offering to clean and pay etc. you're welcome on my boat anytime. :D

morphias
22-10-2013, 09:33 AM
okay the lunch menu consisted of
Shapes with homemade chilli
also had kabana cheeses olives and pickles with water crackers and chilli good little platter (didn't get touched)
chicken lettuce and cheese (and not the crappy plastic cheese either) with aioli on cheese and bacon buns
lemon meringue pie for dessert. Family size, home made (mrs is half american, her family comes from the south so i get all the southern american pies like pecan, peanut butter, chocolate bar pie, the list goes on. always some tasty treat when doing a long day.
Skippers was somewhat not happy with this as it wasn't up to his usual standard that i found out later consisted of cold pizza...
i think hes just always sour....

Sounds more like you should join the chardonnay brigade from the MYC on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon rather than going fishing out wide! ;)

Ben.

morphias
22-10-2013, 09:36 AM
Wash your mouth out. That alvey was brand new. We didn't bitch out with deck winches. It was mans trip. And not once did a deckie whinge about not having electric reels. There was a lot of whinging by said "skipper" about everything.

Real men don't spew because of a little chop! ;)

lucee81
22-10-2013, 12:44 PM
Real men don't spew because of a little chop! ;)

and it never occurred to you that it was the driving not the ocean...

morphias
22-10-2013, 01:27 PM
and it never occurred to you that it was the driving not the ocean...

You sound like my wife! :P

"Slow down Ben!"

"Don't go so fast around the corners Ben!"

Nag, nag nag...I see your mouth moving, but all I hear is "I'm a dirty tramp, blah, blah, blah...".

lucee81
22-10-2013, 01:52 PM
You sound like my wife! :P

"Slow down Ben!"

"Don't go so fast around the corners Ben!"

Nag, nag nag...I see your mouth moving, but all I hear is "I'm a dirty tramp, blah, blah, blah...".


are you special ben??? there are no corners in the ocean....

morphias
22-10-2013, 02:01 PM
there are no corners in the ocean....

Jesus! No wonder MT has to do the nav!

Be a bloody short trip from...well anywhere, if you tried to go outside without any turns. :)

I was referring to her in the car though.

lucee81
22-10-2013, 02:24 PM
Jesus! No wonder MT has to do the nav!

Be a bloody short trip from...well anywhere, if you tried to go outside without any turns. :)

I was referring to her in the car though.

So, your not inviting me out then?

lucee81
22-10-2013, 02:25 PM
Jesus! No wonder MT has to do the nav!

Be a bloody short trip from...well anywhere, if you tried to go outside without any turns. :)

I was referring to her in the car though.
And who is MT

morphias
23-10-2013, 10:09 AM
And who is MT

If I had a boat, you would get an invite, if only for the entertainment value and the free burley. :)

MT = the said skipper, the one and only Muddy Toes.

Gon Fishun
23-10-2013, 11:47 AM
If I had a boat, you would get an invite, if only for the entertainment value and the free burley. :)

MT = the said skipper, the one and only Muddy Toes.

Bit of major sucking up going on here.

lucee81
23-10-2013, 12:48 PM
i never actually mentioned muddy toes....
has he got something else to answer for a guilty conscience maybe....

Chamelion
30-10-2013, 02:03 AM
I take you out in my boat and this is how to thank me? :(