religion for fishos

[netmaker]

hi all. here we go. over a few beers with mad mackerel a couple of weeks back I decided to look into the legal requirements for forming a new religion - for fishos.

I found it is actually quite simple to do and as proof of the existence of any god is not necessary I propose the following:

1. we adopt worship of the god "piscatorius".

2. every god needs an antithesis whom I propose to be the dark god "verminus".

3. "church" meetings will consist of the occasional get together where non-alcoholic wine is to be replaced with full strength beer and "the holy spirit" known colloquially as "joy".

4. no teeny weeny glasses. in fact anything less than 7oz will be scorned and the offenders labelled heretics and duly "stoned".

5. no partaking of bread but all forms of seafood will be welcomed by the congregation.

6. meetings to be led by "the pasta" but sermonising will be frowned upon.

7. lesser gods to be ascertained by online polls.

8. I propose mad mackerel for the position of "poop".

9. a name for the church to be decided by online polls. (my suggestion is church of the fatter grey quaints).

10. a registered mainstream charity (such as camp quality) to receive donations which should be 100% tax deductible to donors.

so brothers, who's in?

[netmaker]

I probably should have mentioned the motive for this: if we form a legal registered religion, we may actually be able to stick it to the government in situations where we are being discriminated against on the basis of our religion;D

[cobiaman]

You have too much time on your hands dave...

[cobiaman]

By the way, im in!

[Mossy247]

If i got 6 Oz does that mean I get stoned? Could be worse :-p
Don't forget all my offerings of jig heads lose on the snags.

[Boat Hog]

Any chance of a bit of animal sacrifice?
Say, half a cow expertly grilled by the Grill Master (Capt Seaweed)?

Either way, sign me up Dave!

[netmaker]

If i got 6 Oz does that mean I get stoned? Could be worse :-p
Don't forget all my offerings of jig heads lose on the snags.

totally - and yes offerings of lost tackle will qualify for special mention at meetings;D

[lbger]

sign me up... I think its the best idea in ages :)

[astro66]

does this mean all beer/fishing gear/boats used in the practise of this religon are tax free ???
boss cant do anything about you having a day off every friday to worship???
jetskis would be the vehicle of verminus and we could stone to death anyone riding them ????
can we have cool outfits like jedis???

[royslaven]

You sure it was beer you and madmac were drinking? if it was beer there must have lots. I myself prefer lot,s of rum...anyway, and the lord our god ( piscatorious ) said "COME FORTH MY SON", but I tripped and came 5th.....I,m in, roy

[netmaker]

does this mean all beer/fishing gear/boats used in the practise of this religon are tax free ???
boss cant do anything about you having a day off every friday to worship???
jetskis would be the vehicle of verminus and we could stone to death anyone riding them ????
can we have cool outfits like jedis???

I like all of that - including jedi outfits lol.

[royslaven]

I like all of that - including jedi outfits lol.
Blessed are the Jedi , for they shall inherit bad fashion sense....roy

[lbger]

If we became "piscatorious's witness's" this could involve turning up at mates places preaching to the wives the virtues of the church practises.. IE: lets go fishing...
The only drawback is instead of 10am Saturday starts it would be more like 5am starts.. Could get interesting preaching at that time of the morning.

[netmaker]

If we became "piscatorious's witness's" this could involve turning up at mates places preaching to the wives the virtues of the church practises.. IE: lets go fishing...
The only drawback is instead of 10am Saturday starts it would be more like 5am starts.. Could get interesting preaching at that time of the morning.

reminds me of a joke from way back: (I find it funny as a mate of mine actually has parents that fit the joke)

did you hear about the bloke whose dad was an atheist and his mum a jehovahs witness?
he found himself knocking on peoples doors for no particular reason at all...

[ozynorts]

If we became "piscatorious's witness's" this could involve turning up at mates places preaching to the wives the virtues of the church practises.. IE: lets go fishing...
The only drawback is instead of 10am Saturday starts it would be more like 5am starts.. Could get interesting preaching at that time of the morning.

Apparently it is acceptable to have a large siren on top of a tall building to call every one to prayer. Perhaps we could have something similar to alert everyone to come out for a preaching session.....

[TheRealAndy]

Of course religion is nothing without some misogyny, so wives who are interrupting church activities should be banished :wings:

Eitherway, beer and animal sacrifices, count me in.

[netmaker]

prayers could go along the lines of: oh great piscatorius. have mercy on us grinners and save our soles.

[Muddy Toes]

Does this mean we can go to the Cathedrals every Sunday.......

[cobiaman]

So just out of curiosity, how many beers did it take to come up with this plan?

[lucee81]

And this thread kiddies is a prime example of what happens when you go old and senile.

[netmaker]

So just out of curiosity, how many beers did it take to come up with this plan?

surely one of our principles would be a ban on counting?;)

[Humdinger]

So just out of curiosity, how many beers did it take to come up with this plan?

They had only had about 2 each when this all started

[Humdinger]

I'm in I'll still be grand poobar

[Moonlighter]

We will need an official prayer/anthem Dave.

I suggest said anthem be sung to the tune of "Land Down Under" and i will work on a couple of verses if the rest of the congregation supports that tune.

We come from a land downunder
Where fishies glow and ......

You get the drift.

Actually, "you get the drift" might not make a bad sign off at the end of all official Church of the Piscatorius correspondence.....?

[netmaker]

They had only had about 2 each when this all started

now you've embarrassed me...:-[

[Captain Seaweed]

Im in, I know the tax relief this venture would give BUT more importantly allow us to worship our chosen religion. Bring on the Furuno gift needing pharoa! as well as the underwater lighting needed to feel his presence and 100 top of the line rods to show him our devotion.
Sign me up Dave, hell I will even get a tattoo if it helps :)

BTW lets F the rabbit smiley faces off....I have never been a fan and its time to pi55 them off

[Lucky_Phill]

So Dave, you'll name your boat " Church " ???

" Corrine, tell ya mum I'll be in " church " for a few hours " !! ><>

FYI, all 12 apostles were fishermen and in fact, The word "apostle" comes from a Greek word.

By breaking it down into its constituents it gives us a literal translation of "from the fleet"

Hence forth, David of Moreton, your followers will be known as " Apostles ", or " deckies from the fleet ".

We also need a pecking order and of course:-

Cardinals
Beacons
Leads


filtering down to :-

Pasta-Joy & Pasta-Beer.

I am thinking of Sacrificial Snappers and SandCrabs.
Religiously Red Emporers.
Misogynistic Moses Perches.
& Holy Hussar.

:angel:

cheers

[Lucky_Phill]

Just for you Marty.

:)) ::( :'(( :thumbsup: :-/ :-XX :-[[ :happy: ;;D >::( 8-)) ::o

[Moonlighter]

I think i will have to re-name my boat "Congregation".

That way, the boss can say, when people call,

"Sorry, he's out in the congregation".

Worked for the Hon Tom Burns, former Deputy Premier. His boat was called the "Electorate"......

[Moonlighter]

Sorry Phill, hit the wrong button. Doesn't seem to be an undo for that.

Bloody iPad keyboards. Or maybe my fingers are too big.....

Yeah, can we get rid of the damn easter bunnies!

One of the High Priests might have to talk to Steve the Almighty and suggest that for a fishing website, so fishy style emotions would be more appropriate!

[Secret Spot]

Brother Netmaker, there is so much to sort out capes masks and other secret squirrel stuff, there has to be a sacrifice of a red emperor over a couple of slabs, also the ordaning of the high priest how will this one be worked out. Any how i am prepared to be a follower and will bring my own challis.

[gunna]

We need this to go Viral - sign up a couple hundred thousand members - then go for a Senate seat !!! May outdo the Fishing Party !!

[CruiserV8100]

Can we use snapper sinkers as the stoning weapon of choice, 10oz minimum. Shotput size if a politician joins up.

[Funchy]

What about commandments

Honor thy tackle and thy outboard
Thou shalt not covet another mans rod
Do unto others as they do unto you at the ramp
Thou shalt not sink
Thou shalt not falsely relate stories of piscatorial encounters
Thou shalt not park in a trailer spot without said trailer attached
Remember to keep holy the M&G
Thou shalt not abuse the deckie without proper reason
Beer is good
So is rum

[Gon Fishun]

We will need an official prayer/anthem Dave.



We come from a land downunder
Where fishies glow and ......



Tough men chunder

[Humdinger]

[QUOTE=Moonlighter;

We come from a land downunder
Where fishies glow and ......

Sorry but I have to ask WHERE DO YOU FISH
Must be near a leaky reactor lol

[Captain Seaweed]

In all seriousness, has anyone looked into this? no different to Scientology really.

[Humdinger]

Yeah Marty I think Dave is serious

[cobiaman]

Yeah Marty I think Dave is serious

I think dave is also starting to go senile after the crabpot incident...

[madmackrel]

Fellow fishers I knew from my first outing with this almighty one that bigger things were on the horizon......that beam of light that reflected from his bald patch.....the way he parted with his jerky and shared it with his fellow man.......crustasions and snapper which would be distributed to the not so fortunate....his lavish attire and if not seeing it with my own eyes,him parting the waters off rooneys point in his undergarments.....it was nothing short of a miracle...allelulia........please be patient followers and ill put up this footage.

[fish'n'chippy]

Just for you mate,


"I heard there was a secret cohort,
DAVO played and it pleased HIS-LORD(ship)
but you don't care for politicians....do ya!

It goes like this,
the smokes, the pi$$,
The baits will fall, the rods will lift
The befuddled king's confusing hallelujah
(found my crab pot)

.....and so on.....


G

[royslaven]

Blessed are the big noses, for they shall wear hawaiian shirts, and have a comb over.

[netmaker]

In all seriousness, has anyone looked into this? no different to Scientology really.

no, not at all:

Creating a New Religion


There are many different religions (http://jimmythejock.hubpages.com/hub/Religious-Cults-and-Their-Beliefs) in the world, Christian, Jewish, Buddhism, Muslim, to name but a few. There are also thousands of Denominations, for each of the religions, for example The Christian religion has Protestant, Catholic, Jehovah's Witness, Mormon and over 900 others that we know of.
The thing about religion is that until we are dead we have no undeniable proof that anything is true or false or if there really is an afterlife, therefore if you were to create a religion of your own, no one could ever prove that what you are preaching is complete and utter cod's wallop.

Starting your own Religion
The first thing to think about is what will your religion be, will it be a new denomination of an existing religion, or will it be a brand new religion, with a brand new God or even an idol for your followers to worship,
Once you have decided that, it is a simple step to move on to naming your religion, for this example we will use hubpages as the religion and Paul the Holy Father,

And on the 10th of November 2007 Hubbism is born

Register your religion
The next step would be to register your religion with the government, this is a step that legalises your religion and gives you the reward of many tax benefits which should help your religion prosper when the money from your flock starts coming in.

Your Church
What better a place to start a new religion, than on the World Wide Web, with the chance of followers from all over the world, you could be the first religious leader to ever start up from your own bedroom, or on the sofa in front of the TV with your laptop perched on your knees, why go out and meet your followers when you can preach to them in the comfort of your own home. And the true bonus is that no one need ever know your true identity.

Your Bible
This is the difficult part of the process, coming up with a story that people will believe, do you write your bible or do you make it up as you go along, I personally would choose the second option and if I made a mistake and contradicted myself, I would tell people to look at any other religion there are many contradictions in every religion.

In the beginning Paul and his disciples created the hub, and the hub took over the World Wide Web, the Holy Father Paul and his disciples quickly spread the word of the hub and have a list of followers that grows every day. In the name of the Holy Father Paul amen.

Religious Days and Holidays
As the creator of your own religion you get to choose the day that you Worship your God, I personally would choose, Monday because that is the day of the week most of us hate, which means that you couldn't go into work on Mondays because in your religion that is the Sabbath day.

Choose your own holidays too, wouldn't you prefer your version of Christmas to be in the summer months, when you can chill out and relax in the sun and enjoy the time off. It's your religion you choose what you want to celebrate when you want.

Monetising your Religion

To keep your Religion going you will need money, there are many ways to make money from your followers, you could use a program like Google adsense and run advertising on your church website, you could sell religious, icons and eBooks that you have hastily produced, you could even sell T-shirts or other items with your religious logo on them.
PayPal is another option asking your flock to make donations through a PayPal account can be effective.

There you have it now you know how why don't you give it a go, In the name of the Holy Father Paul.....Amen

[netmaker]

as far as I can figure registering would be as simple as applying for an abn for a not for profit organisation.

[BigE]

Perhaps the bait soakers could be the most holy and the rubber chuckers be ......from the dark side .... lol i am loving this. Give his madness another outpouring of holy spirit.


BTW ....... I'm in i could think of worst gods.

[Mr Squiggles]

9075590732

The Bible
"According to St. Ern"

[daveo17]

good one count me in. thou shall not park in trailer parking with out trailer lol

[Goodoo haven]

Yeah, count me in too Dave.

[Gon Fishun]

Hope and pray to the Almighty Piscatoris there will be no Coral ( altar ) boys. :stunned:

[shy guys]

Where do I join

[Horse]

Beer, Rum, burnt offerings and a Jedi cloak. Dave, you have ticked all the boxes. Where do I sign up.
By the way is Marty still organizing the Vestal Virgins for the Agnes Holy M&G? I'm thinking the entire trip is going to be tax deductible now.
I guess I can be your first Missionary as I take the word to Stanage Bay next week. Should I swing past your place so you can bless the sacrificial XXXX I will be taking?

[snapperdan]

http://www.open-ministry.org/

http://www.themonastery.org/ordination

Here you can become a fully ordained minister for free.

whats your church's policy on the holy herb that stops sea sickness , smells like a skunk and attracts unwanted attention from neighbors in your garden?

[Mr Squiggles]

I guess I can be your first Missionary as I take the word to Stanage Bay next week. Should I swing past your place so you can bless the sacrificial XXXX I will be taking?

If there was "The Holy Order of Fishing Sisters" as well, there might be a few Missionary positions available!!!

[netmaker]

http://www.open-ministry.org/

http://www.themonastery.org/ordination

Here you can become a fully ordained minister for free.

whats your church's policy on the holy herb that stops sea sickness , smells like a skunk and attracts unwanted attention from neighbors in your garden?

this had to come up didn't it? seeing as almost all wars have been based on religion because everyone's religion is the right religion::) I would aspire to keep bigotry where it belongs - in someone elses religion;D. in addition it appears that many religions require holy men to go into trances or do the occasional bit of astral flying so what the hell - er sorry, I mean what the verminus... whatever floats your boat, but as any responsible skipper would say, when out on the drink make sure you can think;);D